Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
courier2003a

Updating Wills

Recommended Posts

How often should a person check and/or update his will? My Dad passed away last March, and I noticed his will was created in 2008---11 years ago. I don't know how often he updated it. Actually, I don't think he had done anything to it for years. My reason for thinking that is because he told me just before his death that he was going to leave his house to me. However, he apparently never changed his will to reflect those wishes before he died. What ended up happening was my sister got the house instead, and all the sale amount for it, I'm guessing $200K. It's hard now not to feel like I was misled. This ordeal has now caused animosity with my sister. I'm feeling pretty hurt right now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I always tried to make my client's will as if they would last forever.  Lots of contingencies for deaths and births.  But, your situation is not a question about whether wills should be periodically reviewed.  It is about what your father should have done when he allegedly changed his mind about the disposition of his property.  At that point he should have revised the will.  That he did not is not your sister's fault.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If I'm mad at anything, it's the situation. Dad's will was carried out using outdated information. He never went back and updated his wishes. My sister had already inherited a house from another deceased relative. Now, she inherited a third and was able to sell it almost immediately for what I'm sure was a nice chunk of change. Forgive me for feeling betrayed. I'm assuming there's nothing else I can do now to contest the outcome. Since Dad never put in writing what he verbally told me before his death, then what WAS in writing is what has to be done. I'm sorry, but I'm livid about this right now. It feels like a spit in the face for me. I could have used at least a little of the money from whatever my sister got for the house to have a little bit more of a financial cushion as I try to get my life back together in Northern Virginia. I've lost more than just an opportunity here. This has left an ugly sore on my heart.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, courier2003a said:

How often should a person check and/or update his will?

 

Updating should occur when relevant events occur (e.g., acquisition of significant asset, birth or death of beneficiary, etc.).

 

Beyond that, your post raises no legal issue.  It's unfortunate that your father told you something that he either never intended to do or never got around to do, but that's not your sister's problem.  Nor is it her problem that you apparently viewed your father as a source of money.

 

 

4 hours ago, courier2003a said:

I'm assuming there's nothing else I can do now to contest the outcome.

 

Even if you had grounds to contest something (which you probably didn't), it's way too late now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, pg1067 said:

Nor is it her problem that you apparently viewed your father as a source of money.

 

You have no idea how insulting it is to hear you say that! I was a caregiver to my Dad. Therefore, it didn't leave me a whole lot of time for a job outside of the house. I was not at all taking advantage of my Dad monetarily. In the end, we were helping each other because we both had needs. I specifically remember his saying what he wanted to do. My sister and her husband already owned one house in Virginia. She also inherited a  2nd house in another part of Virginia from another deceased relative. My Dad told me that he would leave his house in North Carolina where he lived for over three decades to me. I would have been willing to split whatever I got for his house with my sister, but all of that is academic now. My Dad apparently hadn't looked at his will for years, so he really didn't have any idea in the end what details were in it. Apparently, he did not realize that the wishes he expressed to me just before his death would have needed to be added in a revised version of his will. That was never done, and my sister got a third house. I'm guessing she was able to sell it for around $200,000 given the market value of property in that part of North Carolina. As for me, I got $27,000 from a bank account. How equal does that sound to you? I guess I should be thankful I got anything at all.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, pg1067 said:

 

Updating should occur when relevant events occur (e.g., acquisition of significant asset, birth or death of beneficiary, etc.).

 

Beyond that, your post raises no legal issue.  It's unfortunate that your father told you something that he either never intended to do or never got around to do, but that's not your sister's problem.  Nor is it her problem that you apparently viewed your father as a source of money.

 

 

 

Even if you had grounds to contest something (which you probably didn't), it's way too late now.

 

No kidding

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, courier2003a said:

If I'm mad at anything, it's the situation. Dad's will was carried out using outdated information. He never went back and updated his wishes. My sister had already inherited a house from another deceased relative. Now, she inherited a third and was able to sell it almost immediately for what I'm sure was a nice chunk of change. Forgive me for feeling betrayed. I'm assuming there's nothing else I can do now to contest the outcome. Since Dad never put in writing what he verbally told me before his death, then what WAS in writing is what has to be done. I'm sorry, but I'm livid about this right now. It feels like a spit in the face for me. I could have used at least a little of the money from whatever my sister got for the house to have a little bit more of a financial cushion as I try to get my life back together in Northern Virginia. I've lost more than just an opportunity here. This has left an ugly sore on my heart.

 

I understand you're disappointed. But the reason for it is that your father told you he'd give you the home, setting up your expectation of that, but never followed through to ensure that the house would go to you. There are a variety of ways he could have done that — changing the will, changing the deed to the house so that you co-owned it with him as joint tenants with a right of survivorship, putting the house in trust with you as the trust beneficiary, etc. He surely knew that he'd given it to her in his will. So if he never did anything to ensure that the house would go to you as he promised, that's on him. He's the one to blame for your "ugly sore" because he's the one who set up your expectation that you would get the house. But he's dead now, so harboring that ill feeling towards him isn't going to do anything productive for you. It'll only hold you back from finding happiness. Look to yourself to find that happiness; don't hope or expect it to come from others or you'll often be let down.

 

Your sister could have disclaimed her interest in the house. Where the house would go if she did that would depend on what else the will said. It is possible it still would not have gone to you. In any event, she had no obligation to disclaim her interest even if it would have gone to you if she did. You might be bitter that she didn't help you out by doing that, but did you ever ask her to do that?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I didn't know enough about the situation with Dad's will to make any kind of call on it. He was never known for being organized. This is a very very bitter pill to swallow. It has caused harm on multiple levels. I actually feel like I'm now grieving two losses. This big mishap might as well be the catalyst that puts the final nail in the coffin of mine and my sister's relationship. We're done.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 hours ago, courier2003a said:

This big mishap might as well be the catalyst that puts the final nail in the coffin of mine and my sister's relationship. We're done.

 

It wasn't your sister that created this problem. It was your father who did that. Where the house went was totally under his control. Breaking up the relationship with your sister merely over the fact that he gave her the house instead of you doesn't make a lot of sense.

 

Look, it was disappointing not to get what was promised to you. But the fact is that there was no obligation on anyone's part to give you anything. You are responsible for your own financial situation. I get that the house would have helped you out with your money bind, but breaking relationships because others don't give you the money or property that you want is frankly petty. Your life is your responsibility, not anyone else's. Take ownership of your own life and situation and figure out what you can do to improve it. Don't rely on others to give you something. You'll be much happier when you can rely on yourself to solve your problems.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Tax_Counsel said:

I get that the house would have helped you out with your money bind, but breaking relationships because others don't give you the money or property that you want is frankly petty.

 

You know what? I don't think this is really as much now about money as it is something else. I realize I need to take control of my own life, and I don't expect people to give me handouts. However, my family dynamics have been what they have been for too long. I've already severed ties with my sister. I already know she won't miss me. Her life will be just as happy and fulfilling without my being in it. Life goes on, but my family is finished. Happily ever after does indeed fail, maybe more often than we realize.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't say it, everybody. I already know---cold, cruel, cunning, and calculating. It almost feels like a fall from grace for me. The sad thing is I don't care anymore. It's as if I want to inflict as much hurt as possible as I'm going down in flames. Once upon a time, this wasn't like me, but it seems to be now.

 

"I would rather die at your feet of massive thirst than to accept the bottle of water in your hand that could save my life. I meant nothing to you." 

 

End of thread.

 

Goodbye

 

Lastcall2.jpg

sis divorce2.jpg

Judy email.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...