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nonofyourbuisness

Married but Seperated Custody - need some guidence please

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I live in Illinois my daughter and her mother live in Tennessee.    I fly my daughter for the summer every year to visit.  This time she is stating that she doesn't want to go back she's 16 now.  There is no legal order or anything in writing stating that the mom has custody and technically me and her are still married and not divorced.  Can I get in trouble for not sending my daughter back to her mom?    Her mom seems to think that this is my idea but it's not I don't want any problems with her mother but if my daughter is crying saying she doesn't want to go back.  I don't know what to do.  I really don't have thousands of dollars to put down for a lawyer retainer.  My daughter always says that she wants to stay out here with me but has never been so determined.  I don't know what is going on out there that she doesn't want to go back. 

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You minor child only get say in where she lives if you give it to her.

 

Barring some judicial order that you haven't told us about you have as much right to have the kid live with you as the mom does. 

 

24 minutes ago, nonofyourbuisness said:

There is no legal order or anything in writing stating that the mom has custody and technically me and her are still married and not divorced. 

 

Don't be surprised if your daughter staying with you doesn't cause your wife to start legal action to change that.

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Practical advice, not legal advice.

 

Keep your daughter with you, enroll her in a local school in the fall and see what happens.

 

Just make sure that your daughter understands that the choice you are making could have consequences.

 

That the mother is illegal gives you some leverage if you want to play dirty.

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2 hours ago, nonofyourbuisness said:

technically me and her are still married and not divorced.

 

What does "technically" mean?  You're either married or you're not, and it sounds like you're married.

 

 

2 hours ago, nonofyourbuisness said:

Can I get in trouble for not sending my daughter back to her mom?

 

Define "get in trouble"?

 

The law has nothing to say about the living arrangements of married folks and their children until and unless they seek redress from the courts.

 

 

2 hours ago, nonofyourbuisness said:

if my daughter is crying saying she doesn't want to go back.  I don't know what to do.

 

What if your daughter were "crying saying she" wants to have sex with her boyfriend or drop-out of school or try illegal drugs?  Sometimes being a parent means telling your kid to do something she doesn't want to do.

 

 

1 hour ago, nonofyourbuisness said:

My daughter is going so far as to wanting to report her mom to immigration because she know the mom is here illegally.

 

That doesn't bode well for your daughter's future, given that she'll be a legal adult in less than two years.

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1 hour ago, pg1067 said:

 

What does "technically" mean?  You're either married or you're not, and it sounds like you're married.

 

We are still married.

 

Define "get in trouble"?

If she calls the cops on me will i go to jail?

 

The law has nothing to say about the living arrangements of married folks and their children until and unless they seek redress from the courts.

 

 

 

What if your daughter were "crying saying she" wants to have sex with her boyfriend or drop-out of school or try illegal drugs?  Sometimes being a parent means telling your kid to do something she doesn't want to do.

 

My daughter is a good kid and doesn't complain or just cry for anything.   My daughter said she is lonely out there, her mom likes to go out a lot and there is always drinking going on with the mom and the boyfriend.

 

That doesn't bode well for your daughter's future, given that she'll be a legal adult in less than two years.

 

 

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As noted, as long as you're married and no one has filed for divorce, the law has nothing to say about where your kid lives.  As someone previously mentioned, if your kid doesn't go back, it's probably likely that mom will file for divorce and custody where she lives.  If I were you, I'd consult with a local family law attorney and think hard about filing where you live and beating her to the punch.

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And when you talked to your wife about your child's unhappiness and the allegations that mom neglects her to go out drinking, what did she say? When you visited the residence of your wife and child did it appear that it was a safe living environment with evidence the child is being adequately provided for?

 

As for your wife's immigration status, if you are a citizen, it is unclear what if anything you have done toward naturalization. If you are divorcing, that could have a huge impact on what might be in the works. If you have simply done nothing but cross your fingers for the past however many years, you have put your child in a very, very bad position particularly if your wife is the primary custodial parent and you are out of state. You being out if state means your daughter is more likely than not to end up in foster care for at least some period of time.

 

Courts don't much care about the living arrangements of married couples and their children. Teenagers thinking the grass is greener elsewhere is also not really a shock, particularly grass they only see for a few weeks a year when there is no school.

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