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GoatSC

Pregnant by a man other than my husband

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I have been married for 20 years but I have been living separately from my husband for about 1 1/2 years. I recently found out that I am pregnant by another man and would like to proceed with a divorce ASAP! What do I need to do besides retain an attorney? My current husband and I do have 1 child together and I don’t feel like custody will be an issue on either side bc she is 13 y/o and we presently share custody and expenses w/o any sort of formal agreement and there are currently NO problems or issues. I don’t want my husband to be responsible for this child that I am pregnant with in any way but from what research I’ve done, in SC this child is basically considered his until proven otherwise! What do I need to do 1st to get the ball rolling bc this pregnancy will soon become obvious to all involved! 

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37 minutes ago, GoatSC said:

I have been married for 20 years but I have been living separately from my husband for about 1 1/2 years. I recently found out that I am pregnant by another man and would like to proceed with a divorce ASAP! What do I need to do besides retain an attorney?

 

Nothing.

 

 

38 minutes ago, GoatSC said:

I don’t want my husband to be responsible for this child that I am pregnant with in any way but from what research I’ve done, in SC this child is basically considered his until proven otherwise! What do I need to do 1st to get the ball rolling bc this pregnancy will soon become obvious to all involved!

 

In every state in the U.S., there is a presumption that a child born to a married woman is a child of the marriage (i.e., that the woman's husband is the father).  This is a silly presumption because the existence of a marriage at the time of birth has little or nothing to do with who the father is.  As a result, in some states, it matters whether the woman was married at the time of conception, not birth.  Likewise, in some states, the presumption doesn't apply unless the mother and her husband were cohabitating at the time of conception.  I don't know the specifics of South Carolina law on this subject, so this is something you should discuss with your attorney when you retain one for the divorce.  If, under the applicable law, your husband is presumed to be the child's father, there won't be anything you can do about that until after the child is born and a paternity test can be done.

 

Fortunately for you, South Carolina (unlike its neighbor to the north) no longer allows lawsuits for alienation of affection.  However, your husband may still try to use your adultery to gain an advantage in the divorce.

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1 hour ago, pg1067 said:

Fortunately for you, South Carolina (unlike its neighbor to the north) no longer allows lawsuits for alienation of affection.  However, your husband may still try to use your adultery to gain an advantage in the divorce.

Adultery is still a crime in SC. 

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3 minutes ago, LegalwriterOne said:

Adultery is still a crime in SC. 

 

True, but (1) who knows if anyone will actually bother to prosecute (sex between any unmarried persons is also a crime in SC, and I doubt that is ever prosecuted); and (2) criminal adultery is defined as "the living together and carnal intercourse with each other or habitual carnal intercourse with each other without living together of a man and woman when either is lawfully married to some other person."  We don't know whether the OP and the alleged father of her unborn child are or were living together or whether they engaged in "habitual carnal intercourse."  As far as I can tell from some google searches, adultery may have a significant impact in a divorce but probably isn't ever prosecuted as a crime.

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In South Carolina, adultery can be a bar to spousal support.  However, it is usually necessary to prove adultery occurred by actual evidence that sexual relationships occurred at specific times and places.  Therefore, divorces on the basis of adultery are seldom successful.

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13 minutes ago, RetiredinVA said:

However, it is usually necessary to prove adultery occurred by actual evidence that sexual relationships occurred at specific times and places.  

I think a baby with the DNA of a man that isn't the father should do that pretty well.

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1 hour ago, PayrollHRGuy said:

I think a baby with the DNA of a man that isn't the father should do that pretty well.

You would think that would be the case.  But the claim can be overcome by a claim of condonation.  That is, the husband knew the affair was going on and took no action.  There is also recrimination - the husband was doing the same thing.  In Virginia at least the Supreme Court has held that adultery after s, a significant period of separation is not a ground for a fault based divorce.  More often than not the divorce court will, sometimes sua sponte, convert the adultery based divorce to a no fault divorce when the statutory perod has passed.

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     I am not asking for anything (alimony, child support, assets, etc.) NOTHING!! I just want the divorce and equal access to Our 13 y/o child together! He currently resides w/his Mother and Me w/my terminally ill Father bc I am an only child and his personal caregiver! Neither my husband or I have an income, currently. I am unable to work an outside job bc my father requires 24/7 care. My husband is and has been unemployed for 10+ years bc of psychological issues but has been unsuccessful at obtaining disability! So right now my Father helps me out by paying for my portion of the cost of care for my child as well as my minimal living expenses. And his Mother presently does the same thing for him. The bio-father of the baby I’m expecting with him will fully support this child until I can seek employment to be able to pay my 1/2 of the support for Our Baby!

     This is certainly not something that I am proud of and the fact hat I am 45 y/o (YES-u read that right), I def should’ve known better but we all make mistakes and this baby is far from a mistake!! AN ACCIDENT but a blessing!! Bc it certainly was not planned and the odds of this occurring naturally are astronomical! My Mama died last year and I’ve been lost. I believe she is sending me this Baby to give my life direction since she’s no longer here w/me physically. I just want to move on w/divorce and proceed w/being Mommy to my new “Baby” and my “teenager!!” 

     I would love to have all of this tied up and finished b4 the birth if that would even be possible? Maybe if my husband signed an affidavit acknowledging he’s not the father?? I know I just need to obtain Counsel but as I mentioned money is extremely tight and limited also!! Please pray 4 me if ur a Christian bc I need that more than anything!! Thank you for any and all advice! 

     

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I'm not sure if there's anything in your follow up post that really requires a response, but I think it's important to emphasize that this is something you need to deal with as soon as possible.  Some courts will not grant a divorce while the wife is pregnant because they want to make sure paternity is taken care of in an appropriate manner.

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I guess that should’ve been the question: Can this divorce happen in SC while I’m pregnant if all parties involved agree who the father is? Or since I’m married and paternity is assumed in SC to be the husband (even though that’s definitely not the case here and we ALL know this). I don’t “think” any of us would take issue w/that being presented if it mattered any!? 

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If you and your husband have been separated for more than a year and there are no issues of property, spousal support, custody and visitation of the existing child,  I suspect you can get a divorce  very quickly.  South Carolina requires the partners to discuss reconciliation with a master or referee. However, that can happen very quickly if the referee cooperates.  I have not practiced in South Carolina but in Virginia I have been able to get a divorce for a client in 24 hours.*  To do so you will certainly need the assistance of an attorney who knows the clerks, judges, referees, and sheriff so the preparation of the necessary documents by the lawyer and the clerk, service by the sheriff, referral to a commissioner, master or referee, hearing of the case, preparation of the report, and entry of the final decree can be expedited.   Of course your husband will be required to cooperate fully.  Expect to pay the attorney handsomely for stopping all other work and walking everything through for you.

 

If the birth is not imminent you can proceed at a more leisurely pace.   Good luck.

_________________________________________________

*The gentleman was due to get married on Saturday and it occurred to him ,on Wednesday, that he had forgotten to get divorced from his first wife.  His first wife was glad to see him go.

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