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Jayne Doe

Financial help for prenatal care etc from 6yr relationship that Dad decided to leave from and refuses responsibilities

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I was in a relationship in Arizona with the man for 6yrs, he decided on his own that he wanted to have a child with me. Toxic unhealthy relationship. Needless to say he left to go live with another woman after causing me to lose my job leaving me jobless and evicted. Threw luck I landed one job threw a contractor but am having a hard time getting work now due to liability issues such as breathing paint and climbing ladders etc while pregnant, and he is currently working, and is now refusing to help in anyway with getting any kind of prenatal care as well as the preparation of it's birth or anything. What are the legal steps I can take and forms I can fill out to order him to help financially to pay midwife and help with rent and the preparation of birth along with the stuff for it's care after born. This was a relationship of 6 years and more his decision than mine and I can't afford it on my own right now with the work I do because of being pregnant and no one wanting to work me due to liability issues, and I dont think I should now be stuck struggling trying to do it on my own when I'm not the only one responsible and he is working and able to help but refuses to. What can I do? I need him to take responsibility and help financially, and he refuses. The midwife is not free but nessissary along with preparation and can not go ignored or avoided as he thinks it can just go without.

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1 hour ago, Jayne Doe said:

he decided on his own that he wanted to have a child with me.

 

Ummm...huh?  Unless you're suggesting that raped you and, as a result, you got pregnant, he could not "decide[] [this] on his own."

 

 

1 hour ago, Jayne Doe said:

What are the legal steps I can take and forms I can fill out to order him to help financially to pay midwife and help with rent and the preparation of birth

 

You can't.  Your pre-birth medical and living expenses are yours alone to bear.  That's a consequence of choosing to have a child with a man to whom you're not married.

 

 

1 hour ago, Jayne Doe said:

along with the stuff for it's care after born.

 

Once the child is born, you can seek to establish the father's paternity and an order that requires him to pay you child support.

 

 

1 hour ago, Jayne Doe said:

I can't afford it on my own

 

I don't know how far along you are, but you may have the option of terminating the pregnancy.

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It's too late to abort and access does not cover midwife's or stuff for birth or the things it's going to need to care for it when it's born. Plus I believe he should be held accountable to help before the state or tax payers are seeing he is responsible for his decision in creating it, not them. So there is nothing than can be done to make him be held accountable to do his part in the care for his unborn childs birth? I have to try to come up with the money for all the nessissary medical care and supplies for the birth and all of the nessissary stuff to care for it after birth on my own as if I did this all on my own? Every though he is the one working and capable of doing his part and I am having a hard time finding work due to the liability issues in the trade if work that I do while pregnant? I am a painter and no body wants to work me due to the liability issues of breathing paint, climbing ladders, and possible asbestos exposure, etc while pregnant. 

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There are no circumstances whatsoever, short of marriage, where the alleged father of a child is going to be held financially responsible for pre-natal expenses, child care equipment, or any other financial expenses prior to the birth. None. In any US state.  Get the idea right out of your head because it's not happening.

 

He does not owe a single penny until after the child is born, paternity has been legally established and a court says he does.

 

I'm not being cruel, I'm not judging you and I'm not unsympathetic to your situation. What I am doing is what my boss calls "managing expectations". No matter how unfair you may think it is (and I am not disagreeing that it's unfair), it is a fact of law that he has no responsibility for the child of a woman he is not married to until a court says he does, and a court is not going to say he does until after the child is born. There are no exceptions for bad circumstances. It is what it is and you shouldn't waste energy fighting for something you're simply not legally entitled to get. Morally? Maybe. Legally? Not happenin'.

 

Keep safe and take care of your health. Everything else will sort itself out in the end.

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On 5/17/2019 at 10:53 PM, Jayne Doe said:

So there is nothing than can be done to make him be held accountable to do his part in the care for his unborn childs birth?

 

Yes.  That's what I wrote previously.  And keep in mind that, until the child is born, there's no way to know that it's his child.  You may know that he's the father because he's the only man you had sex with around the time of conception, but that's not legally sufficient to establish paternity.

 

 

On 5/17/2019 at 10:53 PM, Jayne Doe said:

I have to try to come up with the money for all the nessissary medical care and supplies for the birth and all of the nessissary stuff to care for it after birth on my own as if I did this all on my own?

 

As I also wrote previously, the cost of whatever medical care you need or choose to obtain before the child is born is yours and yours alone bear.  You and the father both had a choice when it came to engaging in unprotected sex outside of marriage.  After that, the choice not to terminate the pregnancy was entirely yours.  If you didn't have the financial means to obtain the necessary medical care, then your choice to have a child was an incredibly ill-advised one.

 

P.S.  In my opinion, the only "unfair" part about all this is that your poor choices will likely cost public resources.

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