Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Rosa

Primary parent died

15 posts in this topic

I have 2 children who are 14,with my ex, we were not married. We both have live in partners,but neither married. The children have lived with him for the past 6 years. I have been in their lives. They come for weekends, holidays, vacations, weeks in the summer. Unfortunately,  he just passed away, unexpectedly. We had no formal paperwork of our living agreement. I was willing to allow my children to stay with his fiancee during the week and maintain a weekend schedule. That is until Aunt and fiancee said I couldn't come get my children.  I went and got my children with the assistance of the police.They have a huge home,that my kids love, in a great neighborhood, where they have lots of friends and close to everything.They are involved in lots of sports. They have more money than me. I live in the country, in a 3 bedroom mobile home, away from it all. I do work and able to provide for them.The issue here is that I, the mother and she, the fiancee both want the children to stay with us. They would like to stay with the materialism.I was told that some legal papers have been filed, after I had the police help obtain my children after she refused allowance. What papers could she be filing? Do I need a lawyer? I have the children. I really think its a fight over money.  I don't want any part of that, just my children. Please help.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 minutes ago, Rosa said:

The issue here is that I, the mother and she, the fiancee both want the children to stay with us.

 

That's not really an issue.  Your children's deceased father's former fiancée has no legal claim whatsoever regarding your children.

 

 

21 minutes ago, Rosa said:

I was told that some legal papers have been filed

 

Told by whom?  What "legal papers"?

 

 

22 minutes ago, Rosa said:

What papers could she be filing?

 

It's possible that one of the persons you mentioned might seek a court order for visitation.

 

 

26 minutes ago, Rosa said:

Do I need a lawyer?

 

At the moment, there doesn't appear to be any reason to do that.  If someone files some "legal papers" and serve them on you, you'll have to re-evaluate this question.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, pg1067 said:

 

That's not really an issue.  Your children's deceased father's former fiancée has no legal claim whatsoever regarding your children.

 

 

 

Told by whom?  What "legal papers"?

 

 

 

It's possible that one of the persons you mentioned might seek a court order for visitation.

 

 

 

At the moment, there doesn't appear to be any reason to do that.  If someone files some "legal papers" and serve them on you, you'll have to re-evaluate this question.

 

2 hours ago, pg1067 said:

 

That's not really an issue.  Your children's deceased father's former fiancée has no legal claim whatsoever regarding your children.

 

 

 

Told by whom?  What "legal papers"?

 

 

 

It's possible that one of the persons you mentioned might seek a court order for visitation.

 

 

 

At the moment, there doesn't appear to be any reason to do that.  If someone files some "legal papers" and serve them on you, you'll have to re-evaluate this question.

 Even if the boys had lived with the fiancee and their father and want to stay in the house? Can  I  take them without going to court? I was told by the paternal Aunt that she had filed some papers,not sure for what. I'm willing to allow visitation daily.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Rosa said:

  I don't want any part of that, just my children. Please help.

 

The father's girlfriend really has no good basis for claiming custody of the children. In the U.S. it is the parents of the children that have the right of custody of their children unless the state has terminated their parental rights due to being unfit. Not having lots of money does not make a parent unfit. If you are served with a court petition/complaint by the girlfriend seeking custody/visitation then you will need to respond to that and it would be a good idea to have an attorney for that. Your kids might benefit from counseling to help deal with the grief of losing their father and for help in making the transition to new the living arrangements. You might be able to find free or low cost legal help or counseling should you need either of those things but find you cant afford them. 

 

1 minute ago, Rosa said:

Even if the boys had lived with the fiancee and their father and want to stay in the house? Can  I  take them without going to court? I was told by the paternal Aunt that she had filed some papers,not sure for what. I'm willing to allow visitation daily.

 

Doesn't matter that the boys had lived with her. She is not their parent. The fact that she lived with the father and kids doesn't legally give her any more claim to custody than a stranger. She might have claim to some visitation, but that varies by state and not many states grant that. Be careful about how much visitation you decide to give as you may not want to set expectations too high at the outset. 

 

The kids get to decide where they live when they turn 18.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, Rosa said:

 

 Even if the boys had lived with the fiancee and their father and want to stay in the house? Can  I  take them without going to court? I was told by the paternal Aunt that she had filed some papers,not sure for what. I'm willing to allow visitation daily.

 

A fiancee or even a wife of the dead father don't inherit your kids. Kids don't get to decide where they live. When and if you are served with something come back and tell us what. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
50 minutes ago, Rosa said:

Even if the boys had lived with the fiancee and their father and want to stay in the house? Can  I  take them without going to court?

 

First, you told us that you did "take them," so I don't really understand what that part of your question means.  Second, they're your kids, and since the other parent is dead, that means you have superior rights to anyone else in the world, unless a court says otherwise.  Under the circumstances, it would not be unreasonable for the court to allow the former fiancée to have visitation.  However, I don't know the extent to which North Carolina law allows non-parents other than grandparents to seek visitation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, pg1067 said:

 

First, you told us that you did "take them," so I don't really understand what that part of your question means.  Second, they're your kids, and since the other parent is dead, that means you have superior rights to anyone else in the world, unless a court says otherwise.  Under the circumstances, it would not be unreasonable for the court to allow the former fiancée to have visitation.  However, I don't know the extent to which North Carolina law allows non-parents other than grandparents to seek visitation.

I did take them. I'm just having a hard time knowing that I can't give them the home and things that they are use to. I'm afraid that due to that the paternal family, fiancee could get them. I don't mind visitation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The kids just lost their father and the woman who primarily raised them through no fault of their own AND lost access to friends, sports, and had a substantial reduction in their standard of living. Those poor kids are losing out all the way around no matter how you look at it. While you might have the legal right to custody, storming in with the police and demanding them when you have been only casually involved up until now, then moving them away from all they knew was not going to go smoothly or win you any favors from the kids. It is in their best interest for you to work out a visitation schedule with heir father's family and the woman who raised them for the past 6 years, whether she holds a legal claim to them or not. Get those kids into counseling and while you can't compete materialistically, at least recognize without judging them that going from a comfortable life to one where they are much more financially restricted is difficult.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/9/2018 at 2:49 PM, Rosa said:

I did take them. I'm just having a hard time knowing that I can't give them the home and things that they are use to. I'm afraid that due to that the paternal family, fiancee could get them. I don't mind visitation.

 

No one can legally "take" your children other than child protective services, and you've given no indication that there is any reason that CPS would get involved.  As I mentioned previously, your children's deceased father's former fiancée has no legal claim whatsoever regarding your children.  Nor do any members of the father's family have any ability to "take" your children.  If any of these folks are bothered that the kids' standard of living will go down now that they live with you, they are free to provide you with monetary support.  Beyond that, the only thing that any of these folks can do legally is seek court-ordered visitation.

 

P.S.  The insinuation in the prior response that you did something wrong is absurd and not supported by any actual facts provided.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/12/2018 at 1:41 PM, ElleMD said:

The kids just lost their father and the woman who primarily raised them through no fault of their own AND lost access to friends, sports, and had a substantial reduction in their standard of living. Those poor kids are losing out all the way around no matter how you look at it. While you might have the legal right to custody, storming in with the police and demanding them when you have been only casually involved up until now, then moving them away from all they knew was not going to go smoothly or win you any favors from the kids. It is in their best interest for you to work out a visitation schedule with heir father's family and the woman who raised them for the past 6 years, whether she holds a legal claim to them or not. Get those kids into counseling and while you can't compete materialistically, at least recognize without judging them that going from a comfortable life to one where they are much more financially restricted is difficult.

The things that you have remarked on were taken into consideration. I was willing to allow them to continue the living arrangements until I was refused visitation with my children after she had agreeded, multiple times. She continues to bribe my children and tells them they cannot speak to me.  If their father and I had no issues in their 14 years of life, then I don't expect to have to fight with someone who has only been in their lives for the past few years. All activities,schooling and friendships remain only the location of their home is different.Thanks for your judgement.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So I went to the school today to pick them up and they weren't there. The fiancee has filed a temporary ex parte papers. REALLY, said thay their is concern that I would leave the state with them since I'm originally from Florida. I haven't lived there in over 15 years. My lawyer says this is absurd and will have to be discussed with the judge but should be dismissed. Thoughts on this?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×