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courier2003a

Permanent No-Contact Order Hearing

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This is a very complex story. It started in 2010, and it continues to fester. This past week, I was served with a Civil Summons to appear in Union County, NC. I currently reside in New Hanover County. The plaintiff claims that I have been harassing him, although I have not made any recent attempts to contact him directly. The origin of this conflict involved an action that the plaintiff and his church did to me in 2011. What I openly admit to doing is continuing a little "crusade" of my own about this church's hypocrisy and archaic practices.  They essentially "kicked me while I was down."  I was going through a very painful divorce at the time. Then, in January 2011, I received a letter from them demanding that I appear before a Judicial Commission that had been convened to deal with me. I was facing accusations of  immoral behavior, abandoning my wife, and pursuing unlawful divorce. I was infuriated, and I still am to this very day. The plaintiff was the Chair (or Moderator) of this Commission. He has been on my "sh*t list" ever since, and I've spent the last eight years letting him and his church know just how angry I am at what they tried to do to me (I left the church), and how their actions affect me to this very day. This incident left me very wounded spiritually, and it continues to have a negative impact on my life even now. Later this week, I will be facing the plaintiff in Civil Court. I haven't seen him since September 2010, and I'm not looking forward to this "reunion." Maintaining my composure is going to be a challenge. This is only a hearing to determine whether or not a permanent no-contact order should be granted. What concerns me is what will happen after that. If the plaintiff wishes to pursue any further legal action against me, then he runs the risk of "sinking himself" also. I've already sent the Union County District Court office all relevant documentation that explains in detail what led to this "showdown" with my former friend and church member. It actually began in 2008 when my now former wife developed a unique medical condition. The toll of that ordeal is what helped end our marriage two years later. What I'm wondering is how much the judge will take my side of the story into consideration. I'd like to think the court will show at least some compassion over what I've already been through, but I don't know. As far as I'm concerned, the plaintiff in this case could just as easily be the defendant. He and his church (Presbyterian Church of America or PCA) stepped over a line with me and involved themselves in my business in a manner that was very inappropriate. Had I not resigned my membership, then they would have excommunicated me, and all this was in the wake of a painful divorce and then a nervous breakdown. I had to admit myself to the same hospital where I was employed at the time as a Medical Lab Courier. Forgiveness for this has yet to happen. It may never completely. Being that I can't afford an attorney, I was hoping this group could offer me any feedback on what I could be facing. Thank you. 

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Are you going to fight it, if so on what basis.  If you no longer have contact with him and will not have contact in the future, what harm is there is agreeing to a permanent no contact order?  AS you have learned, your behavior has no effect on changing his.

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No, I wasn't planning on fighting the order. The only thing I wanted to do was give the court documentation as to how and why this all began years ago. As I mentioned, I just sent that off to the Union County District Court. They should get it at least a full two days before the hearing. I'm hoping the judge, the plaintiff, and his attorney (if he has one), will have enough time to review these documents before the hearing itself on Friday, Nov 9th.

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I don't believe, personally, that my being present at this hearing is necessary. My Dad was in law enforcement for years, so I respect his advice to not go to this hearing. Besides, doing so could create a risk of a confrontation. I don't want that. I've never had any kind of brush with the law before. I don't plan on contacting the plaintiff again. In fact, I haven't contacted him directly for quite some time. The last email I recall trying to send him directly was at the end of 2017. He immediately erased any emails he saw with my name on them without opening. 

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Basically if you do not appear and don't have an attorney to appear for you it is likely that you will lose the hearing and the court will grant the permanent injunction against you. If you want the court to consider anything you have to be at the hearing to get it admitted. Generally speaking, the statements and evidence you submitted before the hearing cannot be considered because (1) most statements made outside of the hearing are considered hearsay and inadmissible and (2) you have to lay the proper foundation in the hearing to get any statements or other evidence admitted in the hearing.

 

You have posted about this situation before, and I told you in those earlier threads that you really need to let this go and move on. You left the church years ago. There is no point in continuing your campaign to keep letting them know how angry you are over this. They win if you do that. It lets them know they got to you. And your retaliation doesn't do you any good; it just fuels your anger and prevents you from letting go and finding other people and activities in life that will make you happy. And you end up dragged into legal disputes and problems like this as result of it. You only live a limited number of years on this Earth. Why waste even another second of it trying to get back at people that you parted ways with years. What they think shouldn't matter to you any more. Just let it go. 

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I understand what you're saying about letting this go, Tax_Counsel, but it hasn't been that simple for me. At the very least, I want the court to know how this all began. What the plaintiff and his church did to me feels almost like a crime. I just wanted accountability. I realize that I can't change but so much about how this church operates, but I was hoping to at least bring awareness to somebody about how wrong it is to do this kind of thing.  The passage of almost eight years has done very little to ease the tremendous contempt I still feel over this case. 

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Just curious. Is it possible for me to at least file a complaint against this man and/or his church for stepping over the limits of what was considered appropriate?  Keep in mind that I was blindsided by all of this. With the exception of one meeting with the plaintiff in September 2010 over my divorce, that was the only contact I had with anybody in this church. Then, four months later, they send me this ridiculous summons to appear before a judicial commission the organized to answer to "charges" that were unwarranted. I should also mention that the envelope with the summons had no return address on it. I never learned who my accuser(s) were either. There are quite a few things I'll never know about how this all began, but I still would have liked to have had some explanations. 

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1 hour ago, sharkey1981 said:

I was hoping to at least bring awareness to somebody about how wrong it is to do this kind of thing

 

1 hour ago, sharkey1981 said:

At the very least, I want the court to know how this all began. 

 

Please understand that the judge hearing the case will not care at all about how all this got started.  Even if the judge allows you to vent, it will not affect the outcome of the case.  

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He didn't allow me to vent, not that I really expected that. All I did was ask the judge if I could possibly leave the court with documentation as to why this all began in the first place. He said that wasn't necessary because I agreed to comply with the no-contact order. Besides, I had already sent two copies of my answer to this civil summons to the Union County Court before the hearing itself. I'm hoping that documentation will be available to anybody who wishes to look further into this case, even if it's just for curiosity. It was very sad to walk up and stand beside a man I haven't seen in 8 years who was once my friend, but is now one of my worst enemies. I consented to the no-contact order against me and decided not to pursue it any further. I think that was more than enough. I drove three hours (one way) to answer to this civil summons. If anything, my former friend may think twice before he decides to pull a stunt like this again. He seemed pretty upset when I saw him collect his belongings at the back of the courtroom and leave after the hearing was over. He wasn't sticking around for anything. Fine! I don't give a sh*t. Let him be mad, but not at me...himself. 

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On 11/6/2018 at 5:27 AM, sharkey1981 said:

The passage of almost eight years has done very little to ease the tremendous contempt I still feel over this case. 

Please, please get yourself into counseling to find out why eight years later you are still allowing this to bother you so much. This obsession is not healthy.

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