Jump to content
COMom36

Child’s choice

10 posts in this topic

I’ve got a 12 1/2 year old that live with his father due to me not being able to care for him in 2013 due to my financial state. 

My son has been begging to live with me for 3 years now. I can’t afford a lawyer but now am stable and remarried. 

My X is living with his girlfriend and her 3 kids, my son is miserable in this situation.

ive tried for years to file for custody, but there’s been no significant thing for a judge to be willing to change custody. 

I recently learned that not only does the girlfriend have a huge drinking issue(which I’ve been witness too) but she also had a major drug issue in the past. I wouldn’t worry about the past drug issue if it weren’t for her current drinking issue. 

I’m struggling on what age my child has a choice and what I need to put in the filing to be successful in MN. 

Help!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, COMom36 said:

ive tried for years to file for custody

 

Can you please explain what "tried . . . to file" means?  Did you actually file paperwork seeking a change of custody?  Or did you merely "tr[y] . . . to file" and fail in your attempt to file?

 

Also, just to be clear, I assume you and the child's father are divorce and that there's a divorce decree, including a custody order in place; or that you and the father were never married but that there is an existing custody order in place.  Please clarify this.

 

 

8 hours ago, COMom36 said:

I’m struggling on what age my child has a choice and what I need to put in the filing to be successful in MN.

 

As noted in the prior response, your child doesn't get the final say about where he lives until he becomes an adult.  Around the age of 12, courts will begin to consider a child's preference in determining custody.  As far as what is needed for a change of custody, the general answer is a significant change of circumstances.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When I said tried , I have filed and gone to court once a year since 2014 to change custody. Custody on our much older children was changed in 2015 and I received full custody due to him kicking them out of the house well before they were 18. 

As to our younger son the court hasn’t wanted to uproot him or upset his life even though he is unhappy. 

 

Custody was seperated out of our divorce. I agreed to him having custody of our 3 children in 2013 due to my financial situation. 

 

I understand and that my son doesn’t have a “say” where he lives but I’m trying to get the court to listen to him and so far they have been unwilling to hear from him, stating there has been no significant reason for a custody change. 

 

Just recently was I told by all 3 of my children of the girlfriends heavy drinking and past drug use. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your follow up post doesn't change anything you were previously told.  You need a change of circumstances, and it doesn't seem that you have one.  However, I strongly suggest you consult with a local attorney and ask about alternative payment arrangements and/or sources of low/no cost legal representation in your area.  You could also report what you have been told about the heavy drinking/drug use to the folks at the local child protective services office and see if they will investigate.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The change in circumstances is that my ex husband moved in with his girlfriend who is an ex drug addict and as I recently found out is a heavy drinker! 

I was only told of the extent of her drinking two weeks ago when I saw her drunk at my older daughters baby shower and questioned it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • If you are looking for a law you can wave under the judge's nose and say, "here, this says you have to listen to my son" there isn't one.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Pg1067, I’m looking for advise, not Condescending remarks like that! Trying to give facts so I can get the best advise. 

This is about my child not just something for someone to get to comment on. I don’t know if you realize how some of your comments read, but maybe read them before posting them!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A past issue is pretty meaningless as it has no impact on what is happening now. Neither does current alcohol use unless there are legitimate and specific safety concerns. Just because you were just made aware of it does not mean it did not exist before or that it is a reason to change custody. "Heavy drinking" can mean any number of things and isn't always a reason to change custody. Overindulging at social events does not make one unfit to be around children such that the SO of that person would lose custody of a child. Plenty of parents consume alcohol which is entirely legal. There is no reason a girl friend would need to refrain even if she live sin the same house as your child.

 

You haven't indicated why you believe custody should change. An unhappy 12.5 year old is not in and of itself a reason to alter living arrangements.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×