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allergicreaction

Preventing wife's boyfriend from having contact with my kids

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My wife and I have barely begun a collaborative divorce process. She currently lives with her boyfriend most of the time although some nights she stays in the family home. She has had her boyfriend in the house for supper with the kids a few times despite agreeing to not involve him in the lives of our kids. She's been with him for three months and is now talking about moving to his house with the kids for part of the week. Obviously this is really bad for the kids (research, family therapists, counselors, books etc have affirmed this). Do I have any legal recourse to prevent him from having contact with the kids, and also prevent her from moving into his house with the kids (sharing custody with me)?

 

Thanks.

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3 hours ago, allergicreaction said:

Do I have any legal recourse to prevent him from having contact with the kids, and also prevent her from moving into his house with the kids (sharing custody with me)?

 

Unless you can prove, with evidence not just psychobabble, that he is a criminal or abuser or some other type of menace to your kids, the answers are no and no.

 

And what happens when you have a girlfriend? Will you forbid her to have anything to do with your kids if your ex thinks that she's a bad influence?

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5 hours ago, adjusterjack said:

And what happens when you have a girlfriend? Will you forbid her to have anything to do with your kids if your ex thinks that she's a bad influence?

 

Thanks for the response. I was pretty sure I could do nothing about it.

 

The point about the boyfriend is that the (young) kids are going to go through a lot of trauma. Introducing them to another romantic partner during and immediately after the divorce will only serve to confuse them and create a new sense of loss if the new relationship doesn't work out.

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22 minutes ago, allergicreaction said:

The point about the boyfriend is that the (young) kids are going to go through a lot of trauma. Introducing them to another romantic partner during and immediately after the divorce will only serve to confuse them and create a new sense of loss if the new relationship doesn't work out.

 

You're not wrong, but your point raises no legal concerns whatsoever.  Maybe you could better find support and/or advice on how to handle this unfortunate situation in a parenting forum, rather than a legal one.

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2 hours ago, allergicreaction said:

The point about the boyfriend is that the (young) kids are going to go through a lot of trauma. Introducing them to another romantic partner during and immediately after the divorce will only serve to confuse them and create a new sense of loss if the new relationship doesn't work out.

 

Millions of kids go through that and adjust quite well to it.

 

This is not about the kids. It's about your feelings about your wife having replaced you with a new man in her life already. Perfectly understandable, but that's really what it's about.

 

We get plenty of posts from women whose exes have new girlfriends that are actively involved with their kids. They say the same things and it's also not about the kids.

 

It's the typical blame game between divorced people.

 

 

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On 3/23/2018 at 7:37 PM, allergicreaction said:

Do I have any legal recourse to prevent him from having contact with the kids

 

Unless you have evidence that he poses a credible risk of physical, mental or emotional harm to your children, no.  When the children are with your wife, she gets to decide with whom they spend time, just as you get to make that decision when they're with you.  Soon er or later, that will or may involve significant others for the two of you.

 

 

On 3/23/2018 at 7:37 PM, allergicreaction said:

and also prevent her from moving into his house with the kids (sharing custody with me)?

 

A mutual "no cohabitation" clause in your divorce decree is something that is far more likely to happen.  Discuss it with your divorce attorney.

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While you are still legally married, no, you can not legally prevent it, but as you both have equal rights to the children, you can discuss it with her and make your feelings about it known. Then, as you have with every parenting decision to date, you come to an agreement between you. You are welcome to try and request a "no overnight guest rule" as part of the custody agreement. Be careful what you wish for as it would apply to you as well, should you meet the love of your life while you still have minor children. You are also going to need a better reason than the kids might find it upsetting to get a judge to order it if your soon to be ex does not voluntarily agree. There is simply no reason to assume this guy being in their lives is the end of the world or dooms your children. They might even thrive having another caring adult in their lives and seeing their mother happy. Sure it isn't ideal on paper, but neither is divorce.

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