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DaughterofAlzheimer

Family dispute/probate estate

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hello, in new to this.I've never been too computer savvy. So I apologize in advance.I've been my 80yr old mothers primary/ only caregiver for almost the last decade. I was her durable P.O.A. and only healthcare proxy.I've initiated surgeries, brought her to all apps.(pcp, neurology,e.e.g's etc.)In June of this yr she became very ill w/an infection. It completely exacerbated her dementia. After 2 1/2 mths I realized she needed much more help than I could provide as I am a single mom of little girl also.I have 4 other older siblings that have done absolutely nothing to help or even visit often.I never dealt w/her finances.my oldest sister whom my parents paid for her college degree in business did.she has seen her 2x in last 3yrs.once 3yrs ago after mom suffered heart attack & once after spending the month of June hospitalized in U.T.I. induced delirium. Last mth I was delivered with court papers for immediate guardianship &conservatorship. The two oldest were claiming abuse & neglect on my part.I cannot afford atty. Of course they had a big Boston atty.although I won that battle in court because it was plain nonsense and the judge seen through their lies.we went back to court this past mon.and i agreed to have a court appt. Guardian (anyone outside the immediate family) I never had any interest in being responsible for her $$ and honestly I don't have the skill set.(my late father owned a large construction co.&left her what I now know is a few million in a financial institution.)but for all my yrs taking care of my mother we have lived off of our ssi &what I had in savings before I entered this situation. Also back when my mother was competent and just needed knee replacements and my family wasn't doing anything about her constant falling(that is when I moved in to help her &took over as health-proxy) she wanted to make sure she left her primary home to me as I gave up my home to come live w/her,left vacation home to another sister and divided the rest of estate between us 5 siblings. So she did all her estate planning/last wishes/will prior to surgeries and while still still competent.(even had competency testing,atty was very thorough)in court I received papers saying now not only did they have her sign proxy/ P.O.A. a week after being released from hospital (she didn't even know how many children she had the  morning of) but the visit after the heart attack the two oldest had her sign new "will" saying the home she left to me is now in a trust in their names.I don't understand how they can get away w/this.my mother has been clearly incompetent for at least the last 3yrs. They haven't had anything to do with the caregiving of my mother yet they are truly talented at scheming &lying and the worst part is they take advantage of her when she's at her most venerable. They have done soooo many other underhanded things also.far too many for me to get into.like basically just taking over my fathers business which he left solely to her.while she walked around in shock for a yr.after her husband of just under 50yrs passed away.now a guardian is getting involved (which in very pleased about) just in the past yr.I've received help from an elder service agency that has a cna come mon.&wed.'s for 3hrs so they know what's going on but have no legal authority. I've also became so isolated because of the 24hr a day care i have to dedicate to my mom.I am very alone in this.now I fear in going to end up homeless w/my 8 yr old.They have all the money and resources while im completely spent in every sense of the word.emotionally, mentally, financially. Im hoping against hope that I can find a pro Bono lawyer that can just honor my mother's wishes.that's all I've tried to do for almost my entire 30's&now im 41-year-old. All I have is her doctors referrals of me and the few people that have worked to help me w/her care in the last yr. Any advice and or help with this matter would be so very much appreciated. Sincerely daughter of Alzheimers. 

 

Edited by FindLaw_RE
This post has been edited to remove formatting -- Moderator

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It is very difficult to read your post. It is also unclear what you want to happen here. You can't force your mother to house and support you and your daughter. It sounds as though your siblings believe your mother is in need of skilled care, perhaps in a facility equipped to handle her needs. You also can't force your siblings to visit more often or provide medical care.  

 

As for a will made after it was well documented that your mother was not of sound mind, it can be challenged when the time comes.

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You need to decide whether you wish to relinquish/give up your POA so that the guardian can begin managing her finances and getting her professional care in an elder care facility.  If you weren't managing the business, someone else had to do it.  It sounds like you need a well-deserved rest and after guardianship proceedings are over you probably don't need to be handling any more responsibilities regarding her care.

 

Did your mother tell you where her will is?  If you have access to it, then you need to be having a consultation with a probate attorney as soon as possible to get your situation evaluated.  The proxy/POA they got (after you already had POA) may be illegal, improper or invalid, and this needs to be dealt with during the guardianship proceedings.  If they illegally or improperly misappropriated or got control of assets to create their own trust, that needs to be confronted also.  If you have not been named as a beneficiary in the new will or in the new trust, then your attorney can advise you whether you need to officially contest it or whether they can be invalidated/thrown out.

 

You also need to mention to the attorney the date that your mother's mental competency was tested because it may turn out to be very important in these proceedings.

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knort4, I thank you very much for your advice. I hope I choose the correct script in this response. Also I think ellemd misunderstood my situation. My mother has never supported me nor would I ever expect that.I also never asked to be compensated for all the care I have provided her,well because she is my mother&I love her.I've only tried to honor her wishes.one being that she never leave her home.That being said,when she was hospitalized this summer the infection affected her so badly it wiped out almost 60yrs of her memory.(along with realizing she is at home) I tried ,along with visiting nurses, physical therapists,and her cna to try and see if she would bounce back to prior baseline (as Dr.'s said 1/2 patients do within few mths.)as soon as I decided along with her p.c.p Dr. And family therapist it was time for placement ,ironically I was served with the court papers maybe a week after I made that decision. So its not that my siblings have an interest in her care.They have a long history of taking advantage of her monetarily. They are extremely slick and underhanded. This whole court issue was in retaliation because my sister who dealt w/my mother's bookkeeping was investigated by elder services,for taking money out of my mothers s.s.I.checking acct. And that's when they found out my mother named me as power of atty.although I never enacted that power. We just made due on my s.s.I.check, my savings ,which has been wiped out now for last 2yrs and if anything was left over in moms acct. I would never intentionally create waves with my siblings, but we literally did not have money for her medications and elder service got wind of this and investigated and shut down that account in June.So,while I was concentrating on my mothers rehabilitation they were scheming on how to get control of everything. My brother slipped into house while he new I wouldn't be there because I can only leave while mom's cna is present.had her sign power of atty to him and new health proxy,my sister. Then 2wks later did same thing but brought Dr with him and had her claimed incompetent. (He instructed cna to leave house) she texted me to let me know.but I'm so intimidated by them ,I waited until he left the house.I apologize for the crazy long post but there are so many really unethical and truly crooked things that have happened this summer.  To answer Knort4, yes I do have the original estate planning/ will. And yes ,at this point my mother requires so much more help than I can provide. She needs medical help.Just dealing with my mother's dementia has been heart wrenching and if anyone has had any experience caring for an Alzheimers patient, it's been the absolute worst thing I think I have had to go through, I've watched my once vibrant,selfless,caring mother deteriorate into a woman that suffers paranoid delusions, can be hateful and aggressive, is now in a constant state of confusion and is constantly argumentative. Because of what my siblings have done,my mother is still in my care.When I could have had her placed back in beginning of August.We went through the whole assessment process at a wonderful, clean facility that is a 5 minute drive from me.But now I don't know how much longer this is going to be dragged out.Like I said in prior post,I agreed to an outside guardian appointed by the court.I tried to get in touch via e-mail with the guardian. My siblings have the guardian's phone #.they received through their atty. They won't give to me. Now that I know my mother will eventually be placed.My concern now is that they will get away with basically stealing the house my mother left to me in an irrevocable trust.As my 8yr old daughter and I have no where to live.Everything I had prior to coming into this situation is exhausted. How can I prove that she was incompetent and didn't understand the new "will" they had her sign 3 years ago? Thank you again. 

Edited by FindLaw_RE
This post has been edited to remove formatting --Moderator

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Hi @DaughterofAlzheimer

 

Welcome to the community thanks for posting. Your posts are quite dense (paragraph breaks might help). A few clarifying questions to confirm: Your mother is still alive and you need to address a new will she signed 3 years ago while you believe she was incompetent? Also, you cannot afford an attorney? Or you are currently working with counsel?

 

While hiring an attorney can be a significant financial burden, in situations like yours it can be very difficult to proceed without the assistance of counsel, especially if there is an attorney on the other side of the case.

 

The FindLaw.com Team

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Dear, Find Law RE ,and Knort4, I thank you very much for all the wonderful feedback and advice. 

My mother is currently in my care still and has been appointed a guardian from the court.

Although I am very happy that someone outside the family is getting involved and will help get my mother the professional help needed,my concern now is that I do not have a lawyer and fear that my siblings will end up getting away with taking the home passed onto myself and daughter.

Yes ,it is documented that she has been suffering from degenerate brain disease, later changed to Alzheimers and more specifically vascular dementia.  I thank you all very,very much for all the input and advice.I'm praying that maybe a local attorney might consider helping me with this situation pro Bono or sliding fee as all my savings have been depleted. Thank you again. Sincerely, daughter of Alzheimers. 

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