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tayaub0125

Divorce & temporary custody

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Lexington, south Carolina. My husband and I have been separated over a year, married over 3 years. We have a 20- month old daughter who lives with me. He is engaged and lives with his grandparents and My daughter and I live with my boyfriend, who is also the father to my unborn son. Anyways, for the past 6 or so months me and her father have been trying to work out custody and child support on our own, no luck. He was supposed to be getting her every other weekend and giving me 20$ a week for her, that's all I asked. Well for the first 4 or so weeks it was going good, then he started making excuses as to why he couldn't come get her on her weekends and that he couldn't give me any money for her because he lost his job. This has been about a month and a half. I haven't bothered him about him getting her or the money. He doesn't call or ask about her. Yesterday, he texted me saying he wanted her and threatened to bring the law. I don't want my child around him as of right now, until we go to court, I have proof that he doesn't take care of her when he did have her on weekends.. What do I need to do and how do I go about doing it? I'm looking at divorce and temporary custody with supervised visits until he can show me that he can be a stable parent for my child, as I am for her.

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You don't get to decide whether or not he gets to see the child he has as much legal right to as you do. He also isn't yet legally obligated to pay support. Especially as you are already pregnant by someone else, you need to stop messing around and get thee to a lawyer and get a support order in place and ultimately a divorce. As it stands, you will need to have your boyfriend establish legal paternity. Separation means very little. If money is an issue, check with local legal aid clinics or local law schools. Right now you are just like any other married couple with a kid, and each of you has equal responsibility for and right to that child, and neither of you owes the other toward the support of said child, as finances between married couples are not the concern of the court.

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My husband . . . is engaged and lives with his grandparents and My daughter and I live with my boyfriend

 

Seriously?  Sigh....

 

 

 

I don't want my child around him as of right now

 

Ummm...she's his child every bit as much as she is your child, and, since there's no divorce pending or (apparently) any sort of custody/visitation order, he has as much right to her as you do.

 

 

 

What do I need to do and how do I go about doing it? I'm looking at divorce and temporary custody with supervised visits until he can show me that he can be a stable parent for my child, as I am for her.

 

You've pretty much answered your own question here.  Note that denying him access to the child isn't going to look good for you.  Moreover, if you want supervised visitation, you will have the burden of proving that unsupervised visitation would present a risk to the child's health, safety, etc.

 

By the way, regarding your unborn child, "n South Carolina, there is a common law presumption that a child born during lawful wedlock is a child of the marriage," and "a very strong state of circumstances" is necessary t rebut this presumption.  See Fisher v. Tucker (http://www.judicial.state.sc.us/opinions/displayOpinion.cfm?caseNo=26845).  I therefore suggest you be sure to take appropriate steps after the child is born to establish your new boyfriend's paternity.

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As for him threatening to bring "the law" if you refuse visitation- most police departments view this as a civil matter to be dealt with by a judge, not an officer... especially in light of there being no court order.  Having said that, not only are you depriving him of his rights to a meaningful relationship with his daughter, you are depriving HER of the love and support of her parent.  Without cause, that will be your downfall in the courts eyes and could very well be the determining factor when custody is awarded.  If you have a valid concern for her safety, address it with the courts or CPS or something.  Worst case, ask his grandparents with whom he lives to agree to supervise the visits, though in many ways I disagree with that simply because you shouldn't be able to deny him CHOICES at will without reason.  Remember, you chose to have a child with him.... and half of that little girl's genes come from him.... you're setting an example for her as to how you view her value if her dad is so bad you just can't trust him to visit her.

 

As for being married and pregnant, you better get your divorce done quick or find out how you go about giving the real father the credit with the courts.  The longer you wait, the more complicated it gets and if things sour between you and the boyfriend before it's done, good luck settling anything.  Bifurcate your divorce if necessary.... meaning, get the dissolution done but that leaves the issues to still be settled.  Once your husband finds out he'll be the presumed father of your unborn son, he may be highly motivated to get it done.... or not, if he's as bad as you seem to saying (without and proof) he is.  You gotta make this a priority.  Your kids... THE priority.  Not all this silly stuff.  And if $20 wasn't worth asking him about when he didn't pay it, it isn't worth bringing up later.   And for the commenter that said neither owes the other anything for the support of a child- I agree and I don't.  While it might not be ordered by a court yet, you have a legal obligation to provide for the support of your child at all times.  Period.

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