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Sneaky grandmother and guardianship

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I have a six year old boy whom I live with along with my mother. My  mother is a very difficult woman and I am dependent on her and on the cusp of financial independence. She is very controlling and has taken smear campaigns against innocent people whom she feels has crossed her. I have countless examples.

 

She is also moody and prone to explosive outbursts so recently I went to my brothers for two days, five minutes away and she knew where I was. 

 

While I was there she went to family court  [she claims] and called me at the house and told me to leave, she said she had a court order for temporary guardianship and a restraining order that says I cannot come within one square mile of either her or my son.

 

Note, I have not seen the court order or the paperwork. I went to the police to see what the story was and they said they cannot see anything on their system so that I am free to get him. I went to the house and knocked and she would not let me in. She had the bolt on the door. I did not want to have an aggressive outburst with her as I did not want my son upset anymore than why his mother suddenly dissappeared. 

 

So I went back to the police and told them this and wanted to put it down on record that I was told I was clear to get him and she denied me access. They said there was nothing to report and that if they go there and she does have the paperwork then they are forced to serve me. 

 

I am very confused how someone can just go down to family court one afternoon and steal a child. How did she even prove she was his grandmother? 

 

Because I have not seen any paperwork to these alleged court orders, I am going to family court myself, first thing, but I have no idea what to do there. Can anyone help me? I am very distraught over this.

 

 

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No one can "just go down to family court one afternoon and steal a child."  And even if she could, she couldn't do it without your knowledge.  You would have been served with a copy of her petition or complaint and given instructions what to do about it.  Nor can she legally deny you access to your place of residence without a proper eviction, even if she is your mother and she owns the house.  She's blowing smoke and she will get away with it as long as you let her.  The police cannot help you.  They only enforce the law.  They can't interpret the law or give legal advice.  Without a court order to enforce they are powerless.

 

It seems you're living under your mother's thumb, possibly because of your perception of financial dependence.  If you want your son you're going to have to grow a spine, call her bluff and get your son -- and you -- out of there ASAP.  You can start by demanding to see this so-called guardianship order and restraining order.  I'll lay odds she can't produce either one, but if she does, read them carefully.  If they're not signed by a judge and file-stamped by the court clerk, they're not worth the paper they're printed on.

 

If you need encouragement, a local family law attorney can explain in detail your rights and possible options under your particular circumstances and your unidentified state's laws.

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No one can "just go down to family court one afternoon and steal a child."  And even if she could, she couldn't do it without your knowledge.  You would have been served with a copy of her petition or complaint and given instructions what to do about it.  Nor can she legally deny you access to your place of residence without a proper eviction, even if she is your mother and she owns the house.  She's blowing smoke and she will get away with it as long as you let her.  The police cannot help you.  They only enforce the law.  They can't interpret the law or give legal advice.  Without a court order to enforce they are powerless.

 

It seems you're living under your mother's thumb, possibly because of your perception of financial dependence.  If you want your son you're going to have to grow a spine, call her bluff and get your son -- and you -- out of there ASAP.  You can start by demanding to see this so-called guardianship order and restraining order.  I'll lay odds she can't produce either one, but if she does, read them carefully.  If they're not signed by a judge and file-stamped by the court clerk, they're not worth the paper they're printed on.

 

If you need encouragement, a local family law attorney can explain in detail your rights and possible options under your particular circumstances and your unidentified state's laws.

 

 

 

Thank you for your good answer. Sorry I am in Washington State. None of this makes any sense and yet she appeared to have papers. She told me she needs an address to send them to.  I don't know. She told me she has an order of protection against me yet access to my son can be supervised by her. This also makes no sense. Why would I have supervised access by the same person I am supposed to stay one square mile away from. 

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Then there's the matter of the "one square mile" which is a measure of area, not distance, and I have trouble believing any properly drafted court order would contain that phrase in that context, or that any knowledgeable judge would sign off on it.  But never mind.

 

You can't be prosecuted for violating a court order until a legitimate effort is made to serve you a copy of it.  If you show up on her front porch, she can hand it to you through the door, assuming she actually has it.  If you're staying with your brother and she knows where that is, as you said in your original post, why is she asking you for an address?  None of this makes any sense to me, either.

 

If you haven't got the huevos to deal with your mother yourself, talk to a lawyer.

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Then there's the matter of the "one square mile" which is a measure of area, not distance, and I have trouble believing any properly drafted court order would contain that phrase in that context, or that any knowledgeable judge would sign off on it.  But never mind.

 

You can't be prosecuted for violating a court order until a legitimate effort is made to serve you a copy of it.  If you show up on her front porch, she can hand it to you through the door, assuming she actually has it.  If you're staying with your brother and she knows where that is, as you said in your original post, why is she asking you for an address?  None of this makes any sense to me, either.

 

If you haven't got the huevos to deal with your mother yourself, talk to a lawyer.

 

She does not have his address, for reasons precisely such as this. She has abused the court and law enforcement systems in another state to cause him a lot of harm, and as a result he does not want his address disclosed to her. For example he called her a bad name and she called the police for verbal abuse. There were something like 430 calls to the local police over stuff like this. She does know that its about five minutes away or so by car but would never be able to find it. 

 

I'm looking into finding an attorney. Alas she was clever enough to get this all done on a Friday afternoon with Monday being a holiday.

 

I want to demand a psych evaluation too if that is possible. 

 

Again, thank you so much, you have been very helpful to me.

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Unfortunately you are not alone. I am stuck in the middle of a mess similar to this and it has been dragging on since oct of 2011. Never in my wildest dreams did i think this would be legally possible. My advice to you is to get an attorney and FAST. I have 2 children, ages 11 and 15. My oldest was from a high school sweetheart, my youngest, from my late husband. My mother and i have been at odds for many years. She is very judgmental and thinks everyone is a thug, or druggie. Mind you she was a heroin addict in the 70's and "found god" and thinks she is better than everyone. she is the most critical person I have ever met. In the fall of 2011 I was enrolled in a one year LPN program. prior to registering, i contacted my mother and asked her for help thru the first semester as from sept-dec the classes were nights and weekends. Jan-July it was mon-fri 7am-3pm with job placement. my husband passed away in 2008 and I was just finally coming into my own and figuring out a plan to take over the head of household in regards to income as i had left college and my career to be a stay at home wife and mother. I had a plan. The SS money i received in survivor benefits would be enough to support us in a small apartment while i finished school, got a good job and was able to secure a home loan. two weeks into the semester my mother tells me that watching the kids is too much for her as she is old and goes to bed at 630pm. (she was 56 at the time) Scrambling to come up with plan b i left my 13 yr old to care for his younger sister after school. Not the best move i admit but I had sunk everything i had into this plan and could not back out with just 8 weeks left to go before the schedule change. 2 weeks after that when i had just set up a sitter for the following week the police show up at my apt to do a "wellness check" as my mother had called the cops saying i was abandoning my kids to go to the bar!! I was in class and have letters from my professor saying i had the highest grade at a 106%. Finding beds and food and that i was breaking no laws the cops left. But this started the end all fight with my mother. That fight went into why the kids had not been enrolled in religious classes that fall to let them make their first communion with the catholic church in which i replied that I would not be raising my kids catholic as she wanted me too. That weekend, I had to study for midterms. My youngest went to my mother in laws, and my oldest to a friends. On Sunday when the kids were supposed to come home my mother shows up banging on my door like a mad woman. She forces her way into my apt and accuses me of being drunk (i spent the weekend making 1500 flashcards for my test) and storms off, she had picked up my son walking home, which i did not know, and she took him with her. She then called my mother in law without my knowledge and told her i was drunk and had her bring my daughter to her. Unaware of this i tried to finish as many note cards as i could waiting for the kids. time goes by and i get worried as no one is answering phones or doors and i cannot get to my kids. the police tell me to just let things cool down if the kids are safe just get them after school the next day. wearily i went home. and at school the next morning- no kids. I come home to a CPS card on my door and a text message from my moms third husband telling me they will give the kids back when CPS says its OK. Over the next week and a half I spent scrambling to provide proof to clear my name of the laundry list of accusations that went from being a crack head to beating and neglecting my kids. On the day I was meeting with the supervisor of CPS to get confirmation in writing to take to the police to make them give me my kids back- my mother was at probate court getting guardianship with a false petition. She mixed up the numbers in my address so i never received notice and was unaware of the hearing. CPS was also unaware of the hearing. She told the court there were no other living parents besides myself, the kids were living with her, and i was missing and on drugs. Before I even got to the police station the CPS supervisor called and told me that course of action was no longer possible as he was just informed that she had full guardianship. FULL GUARDIANSHIP!!!?? the judge had never even met me!!?? I asked so what do we do now, and i was told WE do NOTHING. this case is closed. Closed!!?? well they had interviewed both homes and either one was fine for the kids. they were done- even though I had been cleared of all accusations. He told me to file a termination motion and i would get my kids back. I did not get in front of a judge until January. I was not allowed contact with my kids who had never been away from me for more than a few days in their whole lives. My mother failed to mention to the court that the guardianship also gave her full power of the SS money and child support to the tune of 3500$ a month. My only source of income. In the weeks waiting to see a judge the SS money was routed from my account to theirs. This took 2 weeks. All of my bills on automatic with drawl bounced and my accounts frozen. My phones shut off, my month to month apt lease was terminated and i was evicted. i lost the pell grant and my place in the LPN program, my van broke down- my mother told all of my friends and family members i had gotten mixed up with some bad men from a bar and i was not really going to school but leaving the kids home alone to get high- and not to answer the phones or emails from me as I was lying about the SS money and my pleas for financial help for rent or FOOD or a lawyer were really smokescreens to get money for drugs and avoid rehab. They had a calculated plan and it worked very well. By the time i got in front of the judge i had NOTHING, and could argue until i was blue in the face about what my life was just weeks ago- the fact was on paper I was in no position to terminate guardianship. The courts didn't see it as give me the kids and i will get my husbands benefits back and I will be just fine. I had to get a job get a place get a drug test and come back with all of this on my own and then i would get the kids back. I was shocked. How could this be legally possible?? How could they just go in fill out a paper full of lies and the court just accept them as truth and take my whole life away without even meeting me first!? I finally got thru to a few of my close friends who helped me contact my oldest sons father 300 miles away and convince him to come and see for himself that my mother was flat out lying. He did. And we came up with a plan to get me on my feet. Within 30 days i had enough to file the papers to terminate and made the mistake of telling my mother i intended to do so. This was as 5pm wed in Feb. At 10 am the next morning I heard a loud banging at the door. There were two police officers telling me i had to go with them in handcuffs. My mother had gone back to probate court that very morning and filled out another false petition saying i was threatening suicide and was a crystal meth addict showing signs of schizophrenia- latent schizophrenia that i had apparently inherited from my birth father who had died of a seizure when i was 2 weeks old. He was a doctor in the military he was NOT schizophrenic. But despite of how many doctors i told that this was a tactical move and i did NOT want to harm myself, my situation automatically held me in a high risk category and i was held for 2 weeks against my will in a state psych hospital in downtown Detroit and pumped full of insanely high levels of drugs that left me drooling in a corner unable to even walk. This was a nightmare. Which conveniently adjourned my case until the judge was set to retire in which my mother immediately filed for custody stating i was locked up involuntarily in a psych hospital suffering severe mental illness and was on such heavy medication i would not be able to care for the kids let alone myself. She filed for guardianship of ME and proposed i be locked up for 12-24 months of treatment which was to include electroshock therapy and possible lobotomy!! she wanted to turn me into scrambled eggs so I couldn't fight her anymore. My sons father then decided to leave his life and move to Detroit to help me fight. He was threatened by my mother to not support me in any way or he would be cut off from his son as well. If he left and went home within the next two weeks she would cancel the child support and he could see his son whenever he wanted. He declined saying this whole thing was just evil and the kids needed to be with me. He was added to the custody papers the following week. Then the case was spilt up between 2 kids and two counties as my x and i had a previous friend of the court order from 1999. I have had over 4 dozen drug tests- random, hair, nail- all clean. I have had 2 psych evals- both normal. I have a home a job 2 cars 2 attorneys...i climbed up from the gutter and i was going to FIGHT. But the damage was done. The hospital records reflect her accusations and i was medicated before diagnosis going on my mothers diagnosis and no matter what i do i cant shake that. I will never be able to work in a classroom or hospital ever again. I was a substitute teacher and i loved working with kids. After a whole year of muddling thru and clearing every false lie thrown the custody case was dismissed. That was the last week of Aug 2013. I was elated. I thought all we had to do was file the petition for termination of guardianship and my babies would come home. But then they did the last thing they could do to stall. They got a guardian ad liem assigned to the case which was supposed to have a report within 28 days. When the custody case was dismissed so were the orders for visitation. Which with all of the accusations I was given just 3 hours a week and every other sun from 10-8- which I have 3 pages of missed dates that were never given makeup time for. With no parenting time order there was no way to make them let us see the kids. It has now been 120 days since the guardian ad liem was assigned and she still has made no effort to contact either one of us. She did surprise the kids at school but interviewed them in an open office with staff and students around. The kids thought it was a set up and were afraid to say anything bad about my mom but did say they wanted to see me and wanted to come home and supported the fact that i did not use drugs or neglect or abuse them. She was supposed to make a new parenting time schedule and come see our home and interview us. She has done nothing. And now the guardianship is set to expire in feb and i fear they will just do what they have done thus far which is go in and do it without telling us and this will go on for another year. They are starting over with all of the arguments that were dismissed in cir cut court with the custody trial. There is no end in sight i fear. I have run out of money for the attorney and am at a huge wall in regards to progress. And now we again have the 4th new judge. Everyone wants to pass the buck- get dozens of expert opinions but nobody wants to do what needs to be done which is acknowledge that we have been wronged. we are the parents. they have lied on the record and collected now over 90,000$$$ in benefits as a reward for doing so. Money that was to rebuild our lives. Do NOT take this situation lightly. GET A LAWYER NOW and get a motion drawn up to protect yourself from this. Appoint someone whom you trust as a limited guardian to protect yourself from a mother like mine. They go in all demure and sweet and gasp and cry at how they re hearts are torn and they just want you to get help and blah blah blah and walk out of the court and laugh in your face. once the accusations are made the court makes you do the burden of proof no matter what the statues say. and no one wants to go back on a ruling. once its done its done you are in for the long haul. Just look how easy it is to destroy someones life. DO NOT TAKE THIS LIGHTLY.

 

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I am so sorry to hear this is happening to you. Wow.

 

I am scrambling at the moment to find an attorney. It is not easy on a Sunday but hopefully one will call me back. It is so alarming how this can happen.

 

When I was in the house on Friday the school had called to say no one had picked him up. My mother was 45 minutes late picking him up. She had refused to let me use the car to bring him or drop him back from school. The irony was she was down in family court supposedly but failed to pick the child up from school!

 

My mother sounds quite similar in nature to yours. Very judgmental.  Will see someone having a drink and call them an alcoholic. She has accused so far, three men of molesting my son. She had accused my own father of molesting my brother. She stole $10,000 out of his account [this was the 1970s] and kidnapped me, took me abroad, avoided a kidnapping charge, and regained full custody on return. She pathologises everything and has serious delusions of grandeur.. She says racist things all the time in front of my son and when I correct her she explodes in a rage. My boy needed surgery and she wrote to a priest and called my doctor to claim I had Munchausen by proxy. Smear campaign tactics. 

 

I even emailed her on Thursday to remind her of my son's spelling homework. I had no idea she was flaring up for such vicious tactics. The email was ignored. 

 

She is 63 years old and after two days with my son she is exhausted and can't cope with it. I am worried about his care. Her temper is unreal and God only know what poison she is filling with him. She is also delusional. 

 

I am even considering a slander case as well as a parental alienation charge. I only wish there was a law about abusing the court systems.

 

I have slept about 8 hours in the last two days. 

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An update to the situation is yes, you can just walk down to family court and do this. According to the officer I spoke with tonight in an attempt to retrieve him, who must seriously be freaking out right now, he saw the papers and she did obtain temporary custody. He told me not to worry about it, it happens all the time. 

 

Everyone is worried about gay marriage and pot, but look how easy it is to steal a child legally. 

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This response is not intended to create an attorney-client

relationship.

 

Obtaining an ex parte emergency custody order is rare,

at least in the geographical area where I am located

and is usually only temporary pending an in-Court

hearing after written notice. In my state, it also raises possible

ethical issues for the custodial applicant's attorney,

who is making an ex parte contact with the judicial officer,

unless the attorney can demonstrate why regular service of 

process should be temporarily dispensed with and the efforts

that attorney made to communicate to the birth parent

by phone or other means that the attorney is meeting with the

judicial officer at a particular day and time to present the case.

 

Can you find out grandmother's attorney's name and then arrange

to pick up a copy of the Court papers from his/her law office?

 

I do not know whether Washington has any attorney

ethical rules/guidelines regarding ex parte

communications with a judicial officer.

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Mine did not have an attorney at first either. She just went in and filled out a petition that was 100% crap, and put down false contact info for me. I am finding supreme court of appeals rulings that have reversed custody or terminated guardianship because of a false application but it takes years to get to that point. I have tried the parental alienation it got me nowhere- you can worry about retaliation later just focus your energy on getting your babies back anything else is just going to raise your blood pressure for no reason. Whats done is done, now you are going to have to undo it. Find out who the judge is and what your court requires for the filing of a termination of guardianship petition. In michigan its 25$ and takes about an hour to do. get all the details. there are two ways to get in front of a judge. you can either file for termination or visitation...my advice is do not settle for a simple visitation hearing. my biggest mistake was thinking all i had to do was get in front of a judge and let them know what was going on and this would be over. This also happened right before the holidays with me so when i did go file termination of guardianship papers i was told i could not see a judge for 3 months, BUT if I went for just visitation it would be six weeks. I was so desperate to see my babies and tell the judge what was going on that i took the first opportunity to see the judge and in hindsight it was my biggest mistake. During the hearing it was horrible, my mother brought in people who had no part in my life and had never been to my home and had them stand up and flat out lie, I began to cry in open court ( NEVER get emotional it makes you look unstable) and even tho the judge acknowledged that there was no evidence and i had been denied due process- we were simply there to establish visitation and we would need another hearing to decide how to proceed, and so with that i was in the system- and once you are in it is very difficult to get out. The court does not want to believe that someone would go through all the trouble to take you to court and kidnap your children if there wasn't a good reason- esp if that person is your own mother. Judges are usually older and i know in my case the judge was a female about my mothers age. My mother stood up and pleaded with the court that she did not want to keep my children, that this was all done out of love and concern yada yada yada she had done her homework i presume as the judge had children my age. (you can research your judge and how he or she rules in similar cases- later when we were given a new judge i went into court and sat the whole day just watching how he ruled, got a feel for how he felt on things, who he was etc..) And if you do have to go to the termination of guardianship hearing without an attorney as i did, one thing i did not realize is that if the hearing starts to take a turn for the worst and you can see that you are not winning the judges favor or your mother pulls a fast one like mine and just brings strangers into lie- you can stop the hearing and say you want to adjourn and get an attorney before you proceed any further. Also, make sure the other party speaking sticks to facts. The court wants facts on paper it can hold in its hand. You need a copy of a lease, a paycheck stub, a drug test, any and all copies of report cards and progress reports from your child's school, letters from everyone you can get to write who can say something pos about you and your life/relationship with your child. And these letters have to be notarized and if at all possible on some kind of letterhead, if they work at all even if its dominos pizza have them write it on the paper with the letterhead. If you have a family doctor call them and let them know whats going on. Get copies of all of your medications for the last year and a letter saying what you have been seen for in the last year. If there is nothing to tell thats great. She was seen on three occasions for the flu or sprained ankle. But if you have been seen for antidepressants, sleep medications, anything but the least mundane, if that is the case then get on the computer right now and find a local guidance center agency or women's center- somewhere where you can get a free or low budget therapist. The court loves rehabilitation and even if there is nothing wrong with you the court is going to think so because your mother is doing this. So in your pile of papers you are going to be building you can bring to court and say hey- I'm not perfect, but i acknowledge my weaknesses and am working on them. in your therapy sessions talk until you are blue in the face about your child (if you are unfortunate enough to have this drug out they can ask for copies of all of your doctors and therapists NOTES- BE CAREFUL OF WHAT YOU SAY TO ANYONE- the littlest thing they jot down can be scrutinized and amplified way beyond your wildest dreams.and if i could go back i would secretly tape record every conversation with my mother and the court evaluators/therapists etc...I have been absolutely shocked at how the information gets so screwed up from their note taking to the actual court report. its like a 3rd grade game of telephone. And once its in the court report it doesn't matter if its right or true its on the record and it gets assumed as truth. in one instance I was telling the evaluator that i had worked at my job as a bartender for 6 months but only because of the situation. that i was an educated teacher and personal trainer with several years of college and when i told them that I was not taking the medication that my mother had said, and the only time I had ever had that is when i was committed- the report said i had been working at my job for 15 yrs and was refusing to take my meds because i was supposed to be on anti psychotics and i was in denial. That report set us back an entire year and no matter how many letters i bring in to refute that statement and not matter how many facts i have to disprove or negate it it is done.... Becareful who you talk to and what you say. If you have a facebook page make sure it is very clean and tasteful. No bar pics no pics with alcohol or men. You have no life but that of your child that is the only thing that matters and it should be all anyone can see of you.  And yes go get a pack of binders and folders and start filling them up with your life. I have a suitcase on wheels that i drag everywhere and my attorney now comes to me n court and asks for papers- keep a copy of everything. Also- VERY IMPORTANT- get a notebook and write down EVERYDAY what is going on- document every phonecall, every conversation, every visit or missed visit, like i said the court loves documentation. If you go into court prepared- organized- you can tell the judge look- This is how many times i have been allowed to see or speak to my child- this is how many times my mother has slammed the door in my face or i have 12 occasions where she called me this name etc...it also shows that you are dedicated, organized, determined and basically you have your **** together. Also document every phone call you make about lawyers and therapists and all of your appointments. It really does help. and if you do take medication write in that log as well what times each day you take it as well. in short- say as little as possible, let the papers of tangible facts speak for you, and write everything down. When you find out the details - and are able to file for termination of guardianship you will have a deadline. Maybe you will get lucky and it will be 2 weeks but it could be 12 weeks. Don't take anything less than a hearing for termination- and get off the computer and start making lists of what you need and what you have to do to get it. You need to go into court and not "whine" to the judge that you got screwed. The court detests people who blame others. say look- I am the custodial parent of this child, this is where we will be living, this is how i support my child, i am of sound mind and a healthy adult here are papers from my pharmacist/doctor here are notarized letters from people in my life that will state i love my child and am concerned about his emotional state education welfare etc.  here are my child's report cards, I am bringing all of this to you because i was unaware of the original hearing and was not able to clarify with the court the facts at hand. Look up grandparent rights for your state, family court laws for your state- and let the court know that you will not keep the child from his grandmother in the future. Let the court know that you do have a history of your mother but do not say anything that you can not produce a piece of paper related to the topic that will make it a fact. if you make a point of saying little- not making accusations back or falling into the retaliation arguments- if you say very little, and when you do speak you have papers to lay down while you are speaking to back up or prove what you are saying- the judge will see who is real and who is bullshit.  the court likes to test you and watch how you react. Always stay calm and together. and stick to the facts.  Make sure of that. and when your mother starts spitting out crap you can say hey- that is irrelevant- what is relevant is a..b...c..you are the biological and custodial parent, you have a good driving record no drug or violent felonies a place to live a source of income- you need to lay the foundation and keep going over it an over it. If she is more financially stable or has a bigger better house so what. she should- shes been around alot longer to get there. The supreme court has ruled that just because a person is a better caretaker in that sense it doesnt make them a better "parent" You have an in herent right to your child. .let the court know you have recently got with a therapist to help you cope with the recent stress and any issues you would like to share with the court as something you are working on. Mine was the death of my husband. I said i am not perfect, I made mistakes but it is my right as a parent to make mistakes and learn from them. I stopped pointing fingers because it was getting nowhere and said hey- obviously my mother thought something was going on- she was trying to act on the best interest of the kids but here are the facts and proof that that is not needed and the children need to be returned to the mothers care. I know this is alot but there could be a very long tough road ahead. If i can help one person NOT have to go thru what i have been...also start calling organizations- i could not find one but there are places out there that can help with attorneys.I called state reps, i called talk shows radio shows the senators office...i tried to make as much noise as possible letting people know how easy is was to walk into probate court and destroy someones life. I know its heartbreaking and painful but if you get into court and you start to doubt even the littlest bit that you are not going to be walking home with your child today STOP- and do whatever you have to do to get a lawyer. I slept on the couch in the basement of a local halfway house and worked 2 jobs to get above water. Keep the big picture in mind. It may mean you don't get to see your child for a few weeks while you get the money together- but you will have the rest of their lives after that to put this behind you. That few weeks is much better for the child than the years this could potentially drag on to. I hope things work out for you and if you need help or have a question about anything don't hesitate to ask. I hope this helps give you some perspective, i know this is very painful, but how you get through this will directly reflect on how you end this. Just stay focused, start making your lists and make a plan to get your babies back. Making the lists and the log book will also help keep the end result ahead and help you emotionally. If you start to feel panicky or overwhelmed that aching pit knawing at you when you want to hold your child or see his face- when you feel that pit start to churn, get out your folders and work on your lists. You can come up with budget plans, parenting plans, things you cant wait to do with your child things you will do differently etc..it will keep you sane. You could also write your child letters, but dont ever talk about whats going on, just sending love and smiles, keep copies of them and send one thru the mail as much as possible. Even if she doesnt give them to him you tried and later you can sit down together and read all the love you wanted to send and they will know you did everything you could to bring them home. 

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Thank you. I am going to take everything you said on board. I am absolutely not going to settle for visitation, because I would me making myself vulnerable to the lies of a delusional purgerist. This is a woman who is a complete and utter racist and when I corrected her her on saying things like that in front of my son, she exploded in a rage. She also does not believe dinosaurs ever existed and has all sorts of other ridiculous notions. So if I visit him, with her present, she could say anything at all, she is the only witness and she is a total fantasist.

 

I have not seen the judge but I checked their website and it does like indeed like they are women my mothers age. I thought of this yesterday, in terms of due process, which is a problem for many people in the family courts and there are activists petitioning congres about this. Why would a mother say such things about their own daughter? No mother would right? If an ex husband or boyfriend did, a judge would consider the conflict and the usual character smearing of dissolved relationships. I have no doubt my mother went down and gave the whole concerned grandmother act, and I have also no doubt that prejudicial notions about single mothers also played into this. 

 

I am going to go through your advice with a fine tooth comb and take it on board and do everything I can do. I am so appreciative of you taking the time out. I am fighting to stay rational because I know getting sad and teary about what my son must be feeling right now, is not going to help either of us. 

 

Please feel free to use the private notification ability on this site to make any further suggestions or advice or to share more of your experience if you would prefer to do that. I am so grateful, thank you. And I will keep checking this thread.

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No one can "just go down to family court one afternoon and steal a child."  And even if she could, she couldn't do it without your knowledge.  You would have been served with a copy of her petition or complaint and given instructions what to do about it.  Nor can she legally deny you access to your place of residence without a proper eviction, even if she is your mother and she owns the house.  She's blowing smoke and she will get away with it as long as you let her.  The police cannot help you.  They only enforce the law.  They can't interpret the law or give legal advice.  Without a court order to enforce they are powerless.

 

It seems you're living under your mother's thumb, possibly because of your perception of financial dependence.  If you want your son you're going to have to grow a spine, call her bluff and get your son -- and you -- out of there ASAP.  You can start by demanding to see this so-called guardianship order and restraining order.  I'll lay odds she can't produce either one, but if she does, read them carefully.  If they're not signed by a judge and file-stamped by the court clerk, they're not worth the paper they're printed on.

 

If you need encouragement, a local family law attorney can explain in detail your rights and possible options under your particular circumstances and your unidentified state's laws.

I am not sure what state legalhelp 2014 is in but I can tell you that in OK its is possible to just go file for guardianship and get it. I know of numerous cases including my own. All based on lies, bribery and in my case, the grandmothers friendship with the judge. None of my case makes sense to anyone. They had no proof of any of the allegations. And yet my adopted mother has had 2 of my children since Oct and the other 2 since Jan. My 2yr old daughter doesn't even know us anymore. My husband saw them in the store and she shied away like she didn't know who he was. She was a total Daddys girl before this. We have had numerous people tell police, judge, attorney and dhs that all the allegations are lies. Definitely frustrating. Innocent until proven guilty is a joke. They have no proof, we have lots of witnesses and records to support our case and all we can get is 30 min time blocks in court to try to do the findings hearings. Meanwhile I am missing out on my childrens lives.

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henswchick, it's best not to reopen a year-plus old thread.  If you have an actual question v. commentary on the old thread, you need to create/post an entirely new thread.

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Hi henswchicksstolen2014,

 

I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through a situation similar to LegalHelp2014. That being said, if you have your own issues and questions to bring up, please feel free to start your own question post. We'd love to try and help you out with some answers and helpful information from the Answers community!

 

Thanks for stopping by!

 

The FindLaw.com Team

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I had this same thing happen to me. I dropped my daughter off at her aunts house, and she went directly to the courts and they immediately gave her guardianship of my child. I am her birth mother. Like you said, how can someone go legally steal a child all in an hours time, and not even try to contact either parent. Its a very scary thing to be honest. What if she was not who she claimed to be, if she was a pervert? They immediately gave her legal rights to my child. That is insane!! That should not be allowed to happen at all!! What if she was a stalker, and psychotic? They didnt do anything! She walked in, lied, and walked out 30 mins later the sole legal guardian of my child. I am a very highly intelligent woman, and this should not be legal! Its completely insane. This happened to me in NH 2010. 

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On 11/3/2017 at 10:57 AM, PinkQueen3 said:

I had this same thing happen to me. I dropped my daughter off at her aunts house, and she went directly to the courts and they immediately gave her guardianship of my child. I am her birth mother. Like you said, how can someone go legally steal a child all in an hours time, and not even try to contact either parent. Its a very scary thing to be honest. What if she was not who she claimed to be, if she was a pervert? They immediately gave her legal rights to my child. That is insane!! That should not be allowed to happen at all!! What if she was a stalker, and psychotic? They didnt do anything! She walked in, lied, and walked out 30 mins later the sole legal guardian of my child. I am a very highly intelligent woman, and this should not be legal! Its completely insane. This happened to me in NH 2010. 

 

The same thing is happening to a friend of mine currently in NH PInkQueen3 did your case get resolved? We have evidence backing up the aligations that the grandmothers temp custody order is based on complete lies. The grandmother is currently making it impossible to see the child. My friend already beat her restraining order taken out by her mother, but we currently have to wait till the end of May to get in front of a judge! I never even thought this evil **** was possible until now. I just want to say to everyone on this thread that I’m so sorry the system failed you like it did. This should not be aloud to happen ever!!! 

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On 1/20/2014 at 1:43 PM, MelAntio said:

Mine did not have an attorney at first either. She just went in and filled out a petition that was 100% crap, and put down false contact info for me. I am finding supreme court of appeals rulings that have reversed custody or terminated guardianship because of a false application but it takes years to get to that point. I have tried the parental alienation it got me nowhere- you can worry about retaliation later just focus your energy on getting your babies back anything else is just going to raise your blood pressure for no reason. Whats done is done, now you are going to have to undo it. Find out who the judge is and what your court requires for the filing of a termination of guardianship petition. In michigan its 25$ and takes about an hour to do. get all the details. there are two ways to get in front of a judge. you can either file for termination or visitation...my advice is do not settle for a simple visitation hearing. my biggest mistake was thinking all i had to do was get in front of a judge and let them know what was going on and this would be over. This also happened right before the holidays with me so when i did go file termination of guardianship papers i was told i could not see a judge for 3 months, BUT if I went for just visitation it would be six weeks. I was so desperate to see my babies and tell the judge what was going on that i took the first opportunity to see the judge and in hindsight it was my biggest mistake. During the hearing it was horrible, my mother brought in people who had no part in my life and had never been to my home and had them stand up and flat out lie, I began to cry in open court ( NEVER get emotional it makes you look unstable) and even tho the judge acknowledged that there was no evidence and i had been denied due process- we were simply there to establish visitation and we would need another hearing to decide how to proceed, and so with that i was in the system- and once you are in it is very difficult to get out. The court does not want to believe that someone would go through all the trouble to take you to court and kidnap your children if there wasn't a good reason- esp if that person is your own mother. Judges are usually older and i know in my case the judge was a female about my mothers age. My mother stood up and pleaded with the court that she did not want to keep my children, that this was all done out of love and concern yada yada yada she had done her homework i presume as the judge had children my age. (you can research your judge and how he or she rules in similar cases- later when we were given a new judge i went into court and sat the whole day just watching how he ruled, got a feel for how he felt on things, who he was etc..) And if you do have to go to the termination of guardianship hearing without an attorney as i did, one thing i did not realize is that if the hearing starts to take a turn for the worst and you can see that you are not winning the judges favor or your mother pulls a fast one like mine and just brings strangers into lie- you can stop the hearing and say you want to adjourn and get an attorney before you proceed any further. Also, make sure the other party speaking sticks to facts. The court wants facts on paper it can hold in its hand. You need a copy of a lease, a paycheck stub, a drug test, any and all copies of report cards and progress reports from your child's school, letters from everyone you can get to write who can say something pos about you and your life/relationship with your child. And these letters have to be notarized and if at all possible on some kind of letterhead, if they work at all even if its dominos pizza have them write it on the paper with the letterhead. If you have a family doctor call them and let them know whats going on. Get copies of all of your medications for the last year and a letter saying what you have been seen for in the last year. If there is nothing to tell thats great. She was seen on three occasions for the flu or sprained ankle. But if you have been seen for antidepressants, sleep medications, anything but the least mundane, if that is the case then get on the computer right now and find a local guidance center agency or women's center- somewhere where you can get a free or low budget therapist. The court loves rehabilitation and even if there is nothing wrong with you the court is going to think so because your mother is doing this. So in your pile of papers you are going to be building you can bring to court and say hey- I'm not perfect, but i acknowledge my weaknesses and am working on them. in your therapy sessions talk until you are blue in the face about your child (if you are unfortunate enough to have this drug out they can ask for copies of all of your doctors and therapists NOTES- BE CAREFUL OF WHAT YOU SAY TO ANYONE- the littlest thing they jot down can be scrutinized and amplified way beyond your wildest dreams.and if i could go back i would secretly tape record every conversation with my mother and the court evaluators/therapists etc...I have been absolutely shocked at how the information gets so screwed up from their note taking to the actual court report. its like a 3rd grade game of telephone. And once its in the court report it doesn't matter if its right or true its on the record and it gets assumed as truth. in one instance I was telling the evaluator that i had worked at my job as a bartender for 6 months but only because of the situation. that i was an educated teacher and personal trainer with several years of college and when i told them that I was not taking the medication that my mother had said, and the only time I had ever had that is when i was committed- the report said i had been working at my job for 15 yrs and was refusing to take my meds because i was supposed to be on anti psychotics and i was in denial. That report set us back an entire year and no matter how many letters i bring in to refute that statement and not matter how many facts i have to disprove or negate it it is done.... Becareful who you talk to and what you say. If you have a facebook page make sure it is very clean and tasteful. No bar pics no pics with alcohol or men. You have no life but that of your child that is the only thing that matters and it should be all anyone can see of you.  And yes go get a pack of binders and folders and start filling them up with your life. I have a suitcase on wheels that i drag everywhere and my attorney now comes to me n court and asks for papers- keep a copy of everything. Also- VERY IMPORTANT- get a notebook and write down EVERYDAY what is going on- document every phonecall, every conversation, every visit or missed visit, like i said the court loves documentation. If you go into court prepared- organized- you can tell the judge look- This is how many times i have been allowed to see or speak to my child- this is how many times my mother has slammed the door in my face or i have 12 occasions where she called me this name etc...it also shows that you are dedicated, organized, determined and basically you have your **** together. Also document every phone call you make about lawyers and therapists and all of your appointments. It really does help. and if you do take medication write in that log as well what times each day you take it as well. in short- say as little as possible, let the papers of tangible facts speak for you, and write everything down. When you find out the details - and are able to file for termination of guardianship you will have a deadline. Maybe you will get lucky and it will be 2 weeks but it could be 12 weeks. Don't take anything less than a hearing for termination- and get off the computer and start making lists of what you need and what you have to do to get it. You need to go into court and not "whine" to the judge that you got screwed. The court detests people who blame others. say look- I am the custodial parent of this child, this is where we will be living, this is how i support my child, i am of sound mind and a healthy adult here are papers from my pharmacist/doctor here are notarized letters from people in my life that will state i love my child and am concerned about his emotional state education welfare etc.  here are my child's report cards, I am bringing all of this to you because i was unaware of the original hearing and was not able to clarify with the court the facts at hand. Look up grandparent rights for your state, family court laws for your state- and let the court know that you will not keep the child from his grandmother in the future. Let the court know that you do have a history of your mother but do not say anything that you can not produce a piece of paper related to the topic that will make it a fact. if you make a point of saying little- not making accusations back or falling into the retaliation arguments- if you say very little, and when you do speak you have papers to lay down while you are speaking to back up or prove what you are saying- the judge will see who is real and who is bullshit.  the court likes to test you and watch how you react. Always stay calm and together. and stick to the facts.  Make sure of that. and when your mother starts spitting out crap you can say hey- that is irrelevant- what is relevant is a..b...c..you are the biological and custodial parent, you have a good driving record no drug or violent felonies a place to live a source of income- you need to lay the foundation and keep going over it an over it. If she is more financially stable or has a bigger better house so what. she should- shes been around alot longer to get there. The supreme court has ruled that just because a person is a better caretaker in that sense it doesnt make them a better "parent" You have an in herent right to your child. .let the court know you have recently got with a therapist to help you cope with the recent stress and any issues you would like to share with the court as something you are working on. Mine was the death of my husband. I said i am not perfect, I made mistakes but it is my right as a parent to make mistakes and learn from them. I stopped pointing fingers because it was getting nowhere and said hey- obviously my mother thought something was going on- she was trying to act on the best interest of the kids but here are the facts and proof that that is not needed and the children need to be returned to the mothers care. I know this is alot but there could be a very long tough road ahead. If i can help one person NOT have to go thru what i have been...also start calling organizations- i could not find one but there are places out there that can help with attorneys.I called state reps, i called talk shows radio shows the senators office...i tried to make as much noise as possible letting people know how easy is was to walk into probate court and destroy someones life. I know its heartbreaking and painful but if you get into court and you start to doubt even the littlest bit that you are not going to be walking home with your child today STOP- and do whatever you have to do to get a lawyer. I slept on the couch in the basement of a local halfway house and worked 2 jobs to get above water. Keep the big picture in mind. It may mean you don't get to see your child for a few weeks while you get the money together- but you will have the rest of their lives after that to put this behind you. That few weeks is much better for the child than the years this could potentially drag on to. I hope things work out for you and if you need help or have a question about anything don't hesitate to ask. I hope this helps give you some perspective, i know this is very painful, but how you get through this will directly reflect on how you end this. Just stay focused, start making your lists and make a plan to get your babies back. Making the lists and the log book will also help keep the end result ahead and help you emotionally. If you start to feel panicky or overwhelmed that aching pit knawing at you when you want to hold your child or see his face- when you feel that pit start to churn, get out your folders and work on your lists. You can come up with budget plans, parenting plans, things you cant wait to do with your child things you will do differently etc..it will keep you sane. You could also write your child letters, but dont ever talk about whats going on, just sending love and smiles, keep copies of them and send one thru the mail as much as possible. Even if she doesnt give them to him you tried and later you can sit down together and read all the love you wanted to send and they will know you did everything you could to bring them home. 

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I am going thru the same thing right now in Dallas, Tx.  I can not find help and I want and need my son asap. Can I get any information or help so that I can get my son. I haven't seen him in 2 months and she is not answering the phone or text messages.

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You should be allowed to post to old threads whenever you want. I read every one of them from the past 5years and found them all informative.  I’m glad it’s still in circulation and it’s rude to try to stop people from sharing their stories wherever they want.  They will get seen and it will help. Thank you to all who told their stories in this ONE thread whether it was new or old , you have been through enough with your kids you don’t need rude administrators with attitude on your case too.  Night all 

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