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Irma

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  1. Thank you for making me aware - I must have been unconscious when doing this.
  2. @LegalwriterOne Thank you for your response. We’ve been married 25 years, none of that in his active service. I do not qualify as I do not meet the 20-20-20 criteria. This means I am also not eligible for his Tricare for Life to supplement my Medicare. I recognize this will be a financial hit for me. But he is now moving money around and making it harder for me to access it. This will continue and I’m concerned there may not be much, anyway. I am taking half his Social Security and I’m told I would still be eligible for his full SS when he dies (if he dies before me...). My Social Security when I am 70 is more than the half of his I have now, and I’m also told I can take mine (drop his) at that time. (I had a career I stopped when we moved for his career advancement. When we adopted a baby, I stayed at home with her, but was never able to work full time, due to her health and developmental challenges. She is 21 now.)
  3. @pg1067-thank you for your response. @RetiredinVA - actually, I have met with these lawyers, paid consulting fees, was willing to put money down on a retainer, yet there was always some hesitation with the lawyer. One finally said he would email the retainer to me. That was 3 months ago! I have given up on him and met with a local lawyer in my county. After she took all my information, she said she did not think I would get much spousal support, if any, and, as I said, she preferred to see marriages stay together. I don’t have any family to weigh in on this...and I don’t talk to my friends about it. I’m sharing what I’ve learned from lawyers. I want to find a lawyer who will work for me, help me, support what I want. If I will not be getting “much” in spousal support, I would like to know what the worst case scenario is. The first lawyer I met with (several years ago) told me we did not have enough money to divorce and dismissed me. Looking back, with what I know now, it could be because he didn’t stand to make much from the divorce (we don’t have large sums of money in retirement accounts and nothing in savings now). I looked up Local Bar Association and entered my information, so I will wait to see what that produces. I wasn’t sure if I needed to request a lawyer with 6-15 years or one with over 15 years. I decided to go with the middle and see what happens. Thank you very much for taking the time to answer. I appreciate your help.
  4. I apologize for not putting that in. I meant to say I’m living in the house we own in Virginia. i appreciate your getting back to me and being willing to help, if you can. No, neither of us has filed. He has threatened...not sure why he didn’t ever follow through, but I was told by another lawyer that VA has “long arm statutes”...that mean he has no jurisdiction over me, since we have a home in Virginia...again, I don’t really know what that would mean for filing...except that I have time, I guess. We have joint checking and savings and all (or what I know of) the accounts- his credit card, his checking (his salary goes in there), and a savings account he started for himself should be accessible to me. The IRA’s are in his name only. Mistake on my part to have trusted him about those. He has taken money out of the IRA to pay off outer child’s student loan, which I never agreed to. His Navy Retirement, his VA Disability, and SS are direct deposited into savings. I live off of the money in savings. He lives off his salary. The mandatory draw from the IRA’s was going to the joint savings account, until he redirected it to be deposited in his savings account. I’m concerned that he is going to take more money out of the IRA’s and change the deposit of his Navy Retirement or VA Disability, so I will have less money to live on. (I’ve been real sick -Lyme- and I’m gradually getting better...and I am looking for work that I can handle) I was thinking I would take as much out of his savings and our savings as I could and then file. I was told (once again) that I could request temporary spousal support and a freeze or restraining order (?) on our accounts and the IRA’s until the settlement and the divorce were finalized. He currently works 4 days a week and has “threatened” to retire in the fall and come back to live in the house with me in Virginia. His original plan was to scale back to working 3 days a week next year...and so on... My understanding is that we would have until the date of divorce to work out the settlement, so I would need a lawyer for that, most likely, since he’s being stubborn. We have an agreement that is almost complete. Can I use this for the start of our settlement? If I’m on my own about this, I’m not sure what the next steps would be. This is what I’ve heard from 5 lawyers - 1) He told me to forget divorcing. I will not get anything. 2) She would write up the start of the settlement we did, but she was farther away and wanted to file in my county rather than the one she was in (both in Virginia)/and her costs to go to my courthouse were too much for me 3) He would draw up the agreement for me to give to him, but he has never gotten the retainer agreement to me for payment, so of course I have nothing from him. It’s strange because he answered my phone calls and told me he would have it to me “in a couple of days” and he hasn’t answered my emails. 4) She computed all the income I knew about and told me I was better off letting it all ride. He was in RI and I was here, so why did we have to get divorced? 5) She met with me, told me what would happen in my county’s court, and finished by saying she really preferred to see marriages stay together, if there was no abuse, particularly being older. She didn’t see any problem with his going after “another skirt” when the opportunity came up. She also said the laws had changed as of July 2018 and I would only be entitled to alimony for half the time of the marriage. If I don’t end this, it will drag on. He is a liar, manipulative, and keeps secrets. This is insanity. (Did I say I kicked him out of the house 5 years ago after seeing a text from a woman on his phone? He kept saying he would change...)
  5. I am 67, husband is 75, we own a house I’m living in now. He went to RI for a job and then proceeded to harass me about a divorce (I was caring for my dying Mom). I’ve taken many workshops about divorce, consulted with a financial advisor about how the split would affect me and assets. (I left my career 22 years ago for his career move and then we adopted a girl, who had many issues, so I did not work outside the home). We went to mediation a year ago with no results. He manipulated the mediator. He has backed out of divorcing, because of the money (I would loose supplemental insurance - yes, I will - it is Tricare for Life). He continues to date, I know he’s had sexual “encounters” because I’ve snooped in his emails (I’ve since stopped), yet he will not proceed even with a marital settlement and not a full divorce. This will only get worse and I’m done. Lawyers tell me I will not get alimony because his money from a VA Disability and his navy retirement cannot be touched and because of his age, even though he is still working. I don’t think I need a lawyer to file, but I believe it would be best. Can I file now (we’ve been separated 6 months), take money out for me to live on and freeze the bank accounts (I believe he has money elsewhere), and see what happens with him? I know I’ll disturb the monster...and I need to find a lawyer....How hard do you think this will hit me, in terms of spousal support?
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