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HArt614

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  1. I'm from Florida and we had the bait and switch thing happen as well. First we were non-relative caregivers, from July 2015 (she was 2 1/2). Mom had been reunited with her and 2 weeks later decided she wanted to put the child up for adoption just like she did for the child she had 6 months prior. She had an appointment to voluntarily TPR on the Tuesday after Labor Day 2015. On Labor Day she was evicted from the home DCF paid 3 months of rent/utilities. The shelter she went to was only accepting people with children. That is when she realized having a child would benefit her. Mom is an unmedicated bipolar. She is a con-artist that injures herself at her jobs (usually restaurants bc she's a felon (armed burglary and assault)) so she could get a quick pay day. Her child has called her by her first name since we met and continues to do so. DCF gave her a case plan which she failed way too many times. The case plan was reunification vs adoption. Then came the bait and switch. They offered us permanent guardianship(PG) in 2017. We initially agreed because there was a clause about mom going to therapy. Bait and switch #2. They removed the clause so we said no to PG. We were threatened by the DCF lawyer. She said if we didn't do it they'd find a family who would. I called her bluff and we remained non-relative caregivers for another year. Through the years birth mom (BM) would fall off the face of the earth. No calls, no visits. Then she'd call because she wanted visits. She'd visit for a while then stop. The visits were very damaging to the little one (LO). She constantly threatened to take her away from us (which she couldn't). LO started pulling out her hair after visits with mom. She had giant bald patches. She was diagnosed (dx) with anxiety and OCD. She developed tics. She started urinating on herself after contact with mom (yes, unsupervised visitation!). Then she'd disappear and soon after ALL OF HER SYMPTOMS WOULD DISAPPER! They offered us TPR again 11/2017. We decided to bite out lip and just take it this time. At least with that we could raise her as we see fit. We also didn't have to go to court every time we went out of state for a travel order, or to get permission for a passport (bc mom always said no). The cons: weekly 2 hour unsupervised visitation with this animal who says such damaging things to her child. We also got to tell LO as advised by her therapist and lawyer that we are her forever home and that she is safe with us. Pros: mom's a loser. She called once (to set up a visit) and had one 2 hour visit monthly from November 2017 to May 2018. She developed severe reflux in January 2018 that was fixed with a short course of daily zantac and diet change. In May she decided she wanted to see her child weekly. We complied. Reflux got worse. LO would be walking with us and just vomit out of nowhere. She also called more often. In June we went out of town twice and in July we went out of town once; therefore there were missed visits from May to July. During these visits the interrogations began. They punish you don't they? They hit you don't they? That scares you doesn't it? (Leading questions to a 5 year old?) She decided that she had more than enough Intel to get us in trouble w/DCF and have her removed from our home. The case was closed quickly. During a dropoff after a visit in July, BM verbally assaulted my wife and threatened her life. DCF was notified and a police report was file (the report is still sitting on the state attorney's desk 🙄). Up to this point we were dropping off in BM's neck of the woods since she's homeless and has no car. Since then all drop offer's have been at the police station. The visits stopped and phone calls ensued. She made LO cry during every freaking phone call... again with threats of LO living with BM "very soon" because "I am your mother." Let's understand that LO knows that BM is her "tummy mommy" she says BM always pressures her to call her mom, but that she won't do it because she would be embarrassed to do so. Why you ask? Because BM "doesn't act like a mom, she's mean to me sometimes and she makes me cry and she sends police to the house to try to take me away and to take pictures of my naked body." With that being said, she doesn't mind visits.... we'll get to that in a second. Aftr a video call in July BM called DCF again bc LO had a "black eye." This time DCF came right away (that day) took a picture of her face, left and closed the case. Also be aware that fraudulent DCF calls are against the law... I looked into this. DCF says they will not report until the THIRD false report. The law says nothing about being allowed to make 2 fake calls without penalty, but hey, what can we do right? Calls were 1 to 2 times a month since then. In July BM also wrote a 14 pages bipolar letter to the judge asking for reunification bc she's stable now. She's out of the shelter (she's been a shelter hopper for over a decade). And is now at an extended stay, and we don't let her see her kid (she hadn't asked for a visit since the assault) and she's been involved and has been paying child support and paying for sports (if that seems weird it is bc it's a lie). Child support is $25/wk. We have gotten one $100 money order. The case was reopened specifically for visitation. They wanted to see if what she said was true. The GAL said she wanted visitation to be in a supervised therapeutic environment with a non-biased person. LO's therapist supervises on Tuesdays. BM shows much restraint during these visits. On Sunday 2 he visits Gma (BMs mom) supervises. Yes. She is biased. During visitation LO has gotten spanked on the leg for laughing to much. She has been threatened; "you have misbehaved so much that I'm going to leave you here (Wendys) with a family you don't know." Great thing to say to a 6 year old that had 6 homes by the age of 2 1/2 that you voluntarily gave away multiple times. The best part *sarcasm* is that LO hadn't needed regular reflux meds (only occassionally as needed) but BM (who is a cook) can't follow spoken or written instructions on what not to eat for reflux and lactose intolerance. So LO eats fast food. Everything fried and ice cream after. Then she gets threatened. Then she comes home with vomit breath, a stomach ache, and headaches! She takes meds everyday and they don't help anymore. She's had dosage increases and medication changes. On Tuesday therapy visits she brings her daughter king sized Twix or KitKats that LO eats immediately. She experiences the same symptoms on Tuesdays. They closed the visitation case bc they see that we don't withhold visits. They are trying to draft a new visitation schedule. Who knows if they will continue supervision. Who knows if they'll increase the visits to 4 hours a week bc that's what she's been doing for the past 2 months 🙄 But they did say they were going to put something about diet in the paperwork and if mom does not follow that part she can be held in contempt (supposedly). Welcome to Florida folks!
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