I found out 4 years ago that I may be the father to a beautiful lil girl. The mother and I dated in college and conceived in 2008. We broke up because she was cheating on me and found out that she was sleeping with more than a few guys. She ended up marrying one of the guys and his name is on the birth certificate. Back in 2012 she reached out to me about DNA testing. She swore up and down that I'm the father and the DNA testing was for my sake. I was skeptical because she reached out after I just joined the Navy and something she said didn't make since to me. She told me her husband knew he wasn't the father and was fine with me getting DNA testing. I would look at her FB profile and there are all theses pictures up of a happy little family. Her husband knew at the time she was sleeping with multiple people like I did, and we actually had a couple of fights, (dumb I know, fighting over a girl) so he knew there is a possibility he wasn't the biological father. But she made it sound that he got tested and found out he wasn't for sure. The husband is a good guy. Like me we both got played by this woman. So i didn't pursue the DNA testing. They looked like a happy, well to do, financially secured family. I didn't want to break that up. But in addition i knew how manipulative this woman can be and didn't know for sure her motives.
I've never stopped thinking about the little girl and I would just go on FB to look at pictures of her. Since then the family has had 3 more kids and they look like the PERFECT family. I had mix emotions about reaching back out to the mother. One, I didn't want to disrupt or disturb the lil girls life, two, I thought it be selfish of me, and three child support. I didn't see any good that could come from it.
Recently I've had a change of heart. I grew up without a father. He had one guy(me) and 3 girls by three different women, the youngest 2 has the same mother. I found out about my siblings in 2010 and just met the youngest a couple of months ago. I knew not growing up with a father caused some development issues with me. But I had no idea the difference in issues were with my sisters. They grew up with a step dad but still the biological father not being there had a major impact. That was the factor that made me realize that whatever the reason I was telling my self I had to pursue this.
I reached out to the mother and finally talked to her last night. She admits back in 2012 her and her husband was going through a rough patch and that her husband doesn't know anything about our 2012s conversation nor this one. She was very hostile and defensive. ( i absolutely don't blame her and totally understand). She told me to leave her and her family alone and that I lost my chance 4 years ago. She and her husband worked things out and are happily married. I don't want to step on anyone's shoes or cause any problems in the little girls life or trouble with her family, but I feel that if we can't do this calmly and or on low key that maybe a little disruption now is better in the long term. Better than she finding out later and questioning why her biological dad didn't pursue her or tried to get to know her.
What should I do? Do I have any legal grounds or backup? Nothing ties me to this child other than what her mother told me 4 years ago. Can that be enough?