I am my 91 yr old father's only child and health care proxy. My Mom passed in March and he is alone. He has a PhD, is well spoken, comes across as charming, quite good health, lives in NY state in an independent living with a life care contract. He is paying rent, health club, many large dept store bills (thousands of dollars) for a 56 yr old outside the facility. This relationship goes back about five years.
I have seen somewhat graphic but mostly "lovey dovey" texts from her on his phone. He told me she has a conviction for dealing Oxycontin and did three months jail time.
All the attorneys I have dealt with tell me as long as he is judged competent to make his own decisions, there is nothing I can do. I am considering hiring a private detective to find out if she is doing this to other people but I'm not sure that would convince him; trying to get other relatives to join me in sitting down with him and convincing him to behave differently (?hard at his age) and/or having him declared incompetent. How hard is that to do?
Can you think of ANY other options? I am concerned about his continuing ability to pay his bills although for the MOMENT he is OK. Thanks in advance for your thoughts and advice.