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    • The last straw
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Question from DAWGdueNov-3
He hasn't tried to crush me between a cliff and the back bumper, push me out of a moving vehicle or throw furniture at me from across a room for several years now.  But the verbal and mental abuse towards me and my two daughters (one his) has never stopped. After his last accident (he has had 4-5 three were DUIs), I was told to expect severe personality changes due to brain trauma, which he also sustained with the other accidents. In addition to these problems, he is an alcoholic and has Diabetes which he doesn't manage. As expected his personality has changed causing the abuse to be more frequent and extreme. The neighbors call him a troll as he never comes out of the basement except for to take a shower or start conflict. He has taken to calling the police on us (3X in the last 2 months) and we are the ones who ar asked to leave. I called the watch commander(as was suggested by Fallen) to explain the situation to her telling her my name was on the deed as co-owner.  She held the same sexist attitude as the officers.
Now he is using money, or the withholding of it to further his abusive ways. My daughter receives SSI due to a partial disability caused by cerebral Palsy.  I receive under $400.00 a month from San Bernardino County for baby sitting in my home.  By the time my check gets here, I have borrowed money from my Daughter and my friends and must pay it back. A catch 21 or 22  situation. He left the state for one week, leaving us with $50.00.  I haven't been allowed to shop for the house for over a month. We are out of just about everything.  It costs $50.00 to fill my gas tank.  He has said he will never leave this house and will burn it, should I get to stay.  I feel I can do nothing to make things better, my life is in this house, his is in the cave below. He has no friends anymore, they all say he's just to hostile and hateful.  He'll be back home Sunday.  I have 3 1/2 days, what can I do without money ? Doesn't it require money to retain a divorce attorney?   NEED ADVICE NOW.  Thank you in advance for any help. DD
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Fallen Nov-5 78975.2

It seems this is a follow-up to a different post, but you need to post it as a reply/answer to that thread.  Otherwise, it's just gobbledygook out of left field.  Do not expect folks to keep track of every post posted here and remember prior post and context.  :)

You don't mention that you are disabled, so it sounds like it's time to get a different job other than babysitting in your home.  You are free to file for divorce and seek spousal and child support of minors and meanwhile seek governmental assistance.

"I have 3 1/2 days, what can I do without money ?"

I have no idea how this relates to a legal issue of any kind.

"Doesn't it require money to retain a divorce attorney?"

Typically, yes, but you might be able to get help from legal aid.  If you're in CA, then you can also talk with the family law facilitator.   Otherwise, you head to the courthouse and see what forms and instructions/booklets there may be available for laypeople.  You won't find someone on the internet to guide you through the process step by step.  Sounds like you might also benefit from reaching out to local domestic violance groups.

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DAWGdue Nov-5 78975.3

Fallen, Sorry my mistake, I wasn't sure if this would be considered a follow up  post ,due to the time that had elapsed between. I am a mom/housewife of 55 years old, what job am i going to get in this economy etc., other then babysitting?my daughter goes to school and I babysit, here, in my home of 18 years. His employment left him away from home most of the time, now he has no daily life business, as far as i am concerened, that he can't take somewhere else (his parents live across town).He also has a higher income then me by a far shot, although he is on long term disability  But we have no where close to go.  Now I'm in the midst of doing something that i should have done along time ago and I am dealing with an unstable man and  I have been advised to go to another place, for mine and my family's safety.  I dont have time to dwell on the past because the road has come to an end here.. So, please, forgive me for being alittle scared, confused, flustered etc..  He left here Sunday, he said for a week. He has $16,000 in the savings account he refuses to use + $500,000 in another one, and left me with barely any money. I have run out of Dog and Cat food and other stuff I've never run out of. so I pawned a $2000.00 guitar (which he can get back as soon as he returns).  I on the other hand, don't have money to retain counsel and need to either run away or get a restraining order I can't get, without legal counsel.  This isn't going to be easy and I'm done thinking things will get better and I'm done worrying about him and I'm really scared we will end up on the evening news.  DD

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DAWGdue Nov-6 78975.4
Funny what a difference a day makes.  He got home today (two days early), I told him immediately about the guitar, he wasn't even ####.  We'll see what the next few days bring.  But I guarantee the you know what will hit the fan. in the near future as it always does. Especially when he gets a good buzz going.  But he drinks a lot less since he started taking those pills for depression. But he did say that if you do drink while taking them it could cause an extreme opposite effect.  At least I've had a chance to gather some ammunition witch I can take to an Attorney when I go.  And I don't think he even has a gun anymore, so I'm fairly safe for now. But if no one hears from me again, it's not because he suddenly became the loving caring Husband I'd always hoped he'd be.
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