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MADE BIG MISTAKE......


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#1 angiem2959

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Posted 21 February 2013 - 01:50 PM

Ok, in a nutshell... Got a divorce, got a lump sum from exs 401k. Thought we could work out our problems, went to counseling, things were good for a while. I have been living in the family home which was to be awarded to ex. Ended up agreeing to spend all of MY share of the 401k on upgrades for the house.. and paying off both of our respective credit cards.... I am now left with nothing financially, and all he wants to do is fight and threaten to throw me out... He is a grand manipulator.... So, me being the REALLY stupid one here, is there any legal way to recover anything I just gave back to him? He was suppose to refi in 6 mo and take my name off the home, but that has not happened. Beyond knowing I am probably sunk, any advice?

#2 Fallen

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Posted 21 February 2013 - 02:29 PM

And ya didn't know he was a master manip before the divorce or after? :) Anyhoo ...

If he won't give you the money back, you may need to talk with someone about suing him for unjust enrichment/detrimental reliance/some other cause of action. However, since you indicate you're still a co-owner of the house, even if the decree speaks to you giving up your interest in it in exchange for X, can't know whether that's occurred (presume it's contingent on him refi'ing place in his own name).

Ultimately, unless you sign over a quit claim deed to him, you're not a tenant at will but a co-owner and he's not in a position to throw you out. I presume you mean take your name off the *mortgage* via refinance; only you can sign over your ownership interest to him via a quit claim deed (that would usually only be handed over to the closing/settlement attorney handling the refi). As for right to stay there even if a decree said he was being awarded the house in exchange for X-Y-Z, we cannot know what the decree says from here, or what he'd have to do to get a court to address you being ordered to move out. If he does more than verbally threaten, then you call the cops.

If you were a tenant at will and depending where you are, he'd otherwise need to give you a (average) 30-day notice. But you needn't worry about that if you haven't signed over your interest in the house.

"I am now left with nothing financially...."

I don't know how old you are, but even if you all hadn't tried again, you'd still need to worry about how to support yourself outside a 401(k).

Talk with local counsel; this ain't a DIY project. You may want to ask it to revisit the decree, or make pursuing your dough a separate civil action. Can't say from here.

I'll echo PG's advisory "warning" with a twist: (Many) legal issues are complicated. Explanations and comments here might not fully identify or explain the ramifications of your particular problem. I do not give legal advice as such (and such is impermissible here at any rate). Comments are based on personal knowledge and experience and legal info gleaned over a quarter century, and every state has differing laws on and avenues to address most topics.  If you need legal advice, you need to consult (and pay) a professional so that you may have someone to hold accountable.  Acting on personal and informational advice from a stranger on the internet is a bad idea -- at least not without your own thorough due dilience/research and confirmation as it applies to your situation.  :)


#3 pg1067

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:46 AM

Ok, in a nutshell... Got a divorce, got a lump sum from exs 401k. Thought we could work out our problems, went to counseling, things were good for a while. I have been living in the family home which was to be awarded to ex.


You said you "[g]ot a divorce," but I cannot tell if that's really true. Your statements that you went to counseling based on a belief that you "could work out [y]our problems" and that the family home "was to be awarded to" your (ex-)husband suggest that you did not actually get a divorce. After all, if you've gotten a divorce, why would you go to counseling, and what "problems" would remain to be worked out? And, if you actually got a divorce, the issue of ownership of the house should have been resolved as part of the divorce.


is there any legal way to recover anything I just gave back to him?


If we go on the assumption that you did, in fact, obtain a divorce, and assuming all the events described occurred post-divorce, then it sounds like you used your own funds to pay joint debts. It's not clear why you chose to do this. Perhaps if you did so based on promises by your ex that were false when made you might have some recourse.


He was suppose to refi in 6 mo and take my name off the home, but that has not happened.


If your ex was ordered by the court to do this, then you can seek to have him held in contempt and/or ask the court to modify the property division portion of your divorce judgment/decree.




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