5 replies to this topic

[classic356]

State: Pennsylvania

Ex and I have one son. Never married, have had a custody order since 2008 in effect. I am our sons father, there is no dispute over that. We have equal shared legal and physical custody 50/50 down the middle.

Issue: She has a boyfriend, they are not married, or even engaged. Over a number of months of looking through documents, I discovered that she (and sometimes he) put down that her bf is my sons father/step-father/guardian (different one on different forms) on forms such as:

Pre, and registration form for public school
Registration form for private daycare
Summer Reading program form
Request for dispensing medication form (our son needs medicine given twice a day, once during school hours)

Now...its not that the school and daycare did/do not know I was his father, but.....would common sense and common decency not dictate that you DON'T do this? Are there any repercussions they could suffer for this? On the medicine form for instance, my ex purposely put herself and her bf as contacts if the school has any questions/concerns, and purposely did not put me on the list.

Thank you.

[Ted_from_Texas]

This is a forum concerning the law. What is "common sense" and "common decency" may be open to question. There's nothing in your message that indicates your ex or her boyfriend have violated the law. Whether they've violated your custody order depends on what the order says, and you don't say anything about that.

A local family law attorney can look at your custody order and advise you of your rights and possible options.

[FindLaw_AHK]

I agree with the previous poster, you may wish to consult with a local Family Law Lawyer to address your concerns in detail and advise you of your rights. .

[classic356]

This is a forum concerning the law. What is "common sense" and "common decency" may be open to question. There's nothing in your message that indicates your ex or her boyfriend have violated the law. Whether they've violated your custody order depends on what the order says, and you don't say anything about that.

A local family law attorney can look at your custody order and advise you of your rights and possible options.

Thank you Ted for your response.
-- Just so I understand you correctly, I can legally fill out a document, such as a school registration form stating I am the father of another person's child, and not get in any legal trouble for doing so?

The custody order does not address whether either party is allowed to have their significant other claim on documents that they (bf or gf) can claim to be our child's father/mother. Is this something usually found in these orders? I realize I can add verbiage now specifically about this, but thought / really expected there to be more of damages seen by doing this.

Thanks again.

[pg1067]

would common sense and common decency not dictate that you DON'T do this?

This question does not raise any legal issue.

Are there any repercussions they could suffer for this?

In the abstract, just about anything is possible. I'm not aware of any legal consequences that would arise solely because of your ex's lies.

Certainly, this is something you should keep on top of so that you can take action in the event you are not properly identified where you should be. You could also seek an order from the family court asking that she be prohibited from doing this because it would be inappropriate for her boyfriend to be making medical and other decisions for your child.

Thank you Ted for your response.
-- Just so I understand you correctly, I can legally fill out a document, such as a school registration form stating I am the father of another person's child, and not get in any legal trouble for doing so?

That's not what you asked and certainly isn't a reasonable interpretation of what Ted wrote. You said that your ex -- the child's mother -- is filling out these forms. You also said that she is identifying this guy as a "guardian" or an emergency contact, not as the father.

Is it truthful to identify the boyfriend as your child's guardian? Of course not. It's obviously a lie, and you don't need us to tell you that. However, lying, by itself, isn't illegal. The more likely language that you might find in a custody order would be something like the following: "Each parent shall ensure that the other parent is identified as such and/or as an emergency contact or person authorized to make decisions for the child." It would be uncommon to see specific persons excluded from being identified.

I . . . but thought / really expected there to be more of damages seen by doing this.

Not sure what you mean by this. If damages resulted to you or the child, you'd have to tell us. We wouldn't know independently of what you tell us.

[classic356]

That's not what you asked and certainly isn't a reasonable interpretation of what Ted wrote. You said that your ex -- the child's mother -- is filling out these forms. You also said that she is identifying this guy as a "guardian" or an emergency contact, not as the father.

Yes, sorry, I was being facetious about Ted's comment. However, I did say that she is identifying this guy as the father, the step-father, and guardian. On my son's registration form and on a notice my ex sent to his teacher last year (that a copy of was given to me), she specifically indicated that her boyfriend is the father of my son.

Is it truthful to identify the boyfriend as your child's guardian? Of course not. It's obviously a lie, and you don't need us to tell you that. However, lying, by itself, isn't illegal. The more likely language that you might find in a custody order would be something like the following: "Each parent shall ensure that the other parent is identified as such and/or as an emergency contact or person authorized to make decisions for the child." It would be uncommon to see specific persons excluded from being identified.

I realize I probably could not exclude her bf specifically from being named, and even if I could, that would be pointless. I'd be working from the wrong end. (ever heard the joke of the husband who comes home, finds his wife in bed with another man, kills her, goes to trial, judge asks him "why did you kill your wife and not the other man?" and the husband replies "I got tired of killing a different guy each week".) ...same thing here, I know she's the one pulling the strings in that relationship and barring him specifically would just leave the door open for her to play games with someone elses name.

Not sure what you mean by this. If damages resulted to you or the child, you'd have to tell us. We wouldn't know independently of what you tell us.

I guess this depends on what are considered damages....'actual', my time in going over these documents, contacting the respective agencies explaining that their files are wrong, having the correct them. are there any other 'damages' to be considered? .... oh and you asked if damages results to me or the child....my ex telling our son to call her boyfriend 'daddy' and to call me by my first name (he's done this accidentally a few times and I had to correct him and ask where he heard to call me by that name from....I feel that that is damage being done to our child confusing him like so.