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domestic violence


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#1 dw_idontknow

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:08 AM

My ex husband was arrested for violence in Jan 2012 and has been under a supervised visitation order since then.The case has gone through mediation and I can not reach an agreement. He wants weekend visits back (after completing the courts programs) and I do not want him to have this.We have been divorced for 6 years and I have had many concerns for the saftey of my children including abuse toward woman,lack of supervision,verbal abuse , and exposure to dangerous and immoral situations.The mediator recommends he resume his alternate weekend routine as well.I want him to have supervised visits indefinetly.I can't prove he is a problem at this point. What type of evidence is usable in court at this point.I have a normal healthy household with 2 well behaved kids who have lots of friends and hobbies.My children do not swear,fight,break rules and are doing well in school.I would like to stop the negative influence the ex has been showing them and I am concerned he will not maintain what he learned in his domestic violence class as he has been abusive for a long time.

#2 pg1067

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 01:25 PM

What type of evidence is usable in court at this point[?]


I don't really understand your question. The basic "types" of evidence are testimony and documents and other physical objects, but I doubt that was what you wanted to know. If you can clarify what you were intending to ask, I'm happy to try and respond further.

Beyond that, I'm not really sure what to tell you. Obviously, the mediator disagrees with you, so the court will decide what it decides. If you don't like the outcome, you're free to appeal, but these sorts of issues are virtually impossible to reverse on appeal.

#3 dw_idontknow

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Posted 06 December 2012 - 05:32 AM

The question is what types of evidence are allowable in court.I have been self represented and am slightly confused about how the courtroom operates.The mediation prcoess is also confusing to me.The mediators recommendations and assesment are not accurate.The ex reports I do not allow my children to participate in normal childhood activities or to establish relationships with other people. I told the mediator that I do allow this unless there is a reason not to. For instance I allowed my child to visit her friend at the friends house untill my child reported a verbal arguement between parent and child that had disturbing content such as " Mother holding her hand up at the daughter The daughter says don't hit me I'll call 911 mother say then youll go to juvi.I would not let my daughter return.If my sons friends have no rules at all and can ride there bikes all through the city I will not allow this so hid friends come to my house.My son has adhd and was 13 at the time of the office visit to the mediator.He complained of a lack of freedom to the mediator because he wants to do the same as his friends.His friends are the type to tell their parents were they are going and parents dont care.I would like to keep my son off of the streets.This is not a quiet and safe neighborhood.I can prove that my children have lots of friends and participate in activities but lists of events and names and numbers are not allowable in court.So should I bring the children to court (all of them) or other witnesses(my clients that frequent my busieness and have always seen the events)Should I bring awards for participation in events or school forms filled out for participation in sports , or photos of the children playing at my house,internet chats between my children and others etc. The problem is I have had an abusive childhood and am no longer willing to speak to my relatives.I have worked most of my life and have only relationships with my clients that I have known for 20 years.There are over 100 of them and there is someone at my establishment 7 days per week.My kids have become friends with some of them and their children.I need to prove this assesment is not accurate and would like show the court that spending time with my ex and his family are not in the best interest of the child.I have documents to prove arrest history of the ex's other family member as well as testimony from a friend of my son.The boy is 15 and my sons tells him the truth about how he feels about his father.My daughter does not want to spend weekends with the father.Should I bring her in as a witness?She will be upset.Also what are Grandparents rights?The grandmother is interviening as well and would like her own time with the kids as she and ex-husband has stopped speaking to each other. I dont think that is in there best interest either.She was arrested a long time ago for violence and the rest of my concerns with her I have no proof.It seems that a lot of negativity continues because of hearsay and lack of proof.

#4 pg1067

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Posted 06 December 2012 - 07:48 AM

Please use spacing between sentences and paragraph breaks where appropriate, rather than clumping everything together in a single, gigantic block of text.


The question is what types of evidence are allowable in court.


Again, testimony, documents, and other physical objects.


I can prove that my children have lots of friends and participate in activities but lists of events and names and numbers are not allowable in court.


You mentioned hearsay later in your post, so I'll guess that's the issue here. In order to prove these things, you need a witness or witnesses with firsthand knowledge to testify.


So should I bring the children to court (all of them) or other witnesses(my clients that frequent my busieness and have always seen the events)


If those persons are the only persons with actual knowledge of whatever it is that you want to prove, yes.


Should I bring awards for participation in events or school forms filled out for participation in sports , or photos of the children playing at my house,internet chats between my children and others etc.


You can do that. For every piece of evidence you offer, you need a witness to authenticate it and explain what it is.


The problem is I have had an abusive childhood and am no longer willing to speak to my relatives.


Why is this a problem? You haven't suggested that any of your blood relatives (other than your children) have any relevant knowledge of anything.


I need to prove this assesment is not accurate and would like show the court that spending time with my ex and his family are not in the best interest of the child.I have documents to prove arrest history of the ex's other family member as well as testimony from a friend of my son.


Why is this person's "arrest history" relevant? Don't you think a record of convictions -- rather than arrests -- would be better? Why can't this be dealt with by an order that prohibits your ex from having your child around this one particular person?


My daughter does not want to spend weekends with the father.Should I bring her in as a witness?


That's not a decision for anonymous strangers to make.


She will be upset.


Which will be more upsetting: testifying or having regular visitation?


Also what are Grandparents rights?


The term "grandparents' rights" is commonly misunderstood by laypersons. In the absence of a court order, grandparents have no rights whatsoever regarding their grandchildren. Depending on the applicable state law, under certain circumstances, a court may order that a grandparent may have visitation with a grandchild over the child's parents' objection.


It seems that a lot of negativity continues because of hearsay and lack of proof.


Well...think about it. Why should a court care about something you can't prove? You say that you don't think spending time with grandma is a good idea. Why? You said one reason is because she "was arrested a long time ago for violence." How long ago? If it only happened once and was a long time ago, why does it matter now? Didn't you ever do anything "a long time ago" that would be silly to use against you now because of the passage of a "long" amount of time? What does "violence" mean (i.e., what was the specific reason for the arrest)? Was she charged following the arrest? If not, why sould the court care about an arrest that wasn't even followed up on by the filing of charges, much less a conviction? If she was charged, was she convicted? If not, why not? You say you have "no proof" regarding the rest of your concerns, so that means those concerns are objectively baseless and don't warrant any consideration. Right? When it comes to sending your child over to a particular friend's house, you are free to allow that or disallow that because of baseless concerns. But a court isn't going to deny or restrict a parent's constitutional rights just because you say you have concerns but don't have any evidence to support those concerns. Would it be ok if the court took your rights away simply because your ex says he has "concerns" about you? Assuming your answer is no, why should it be any different in reverse?

#5 dw_idontknow

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Posted 06 December 2012 - 09:00 AM

Examples of heresay are verbal abuse toward the mother by the grandmother,strong reason to believe they use marijuana and some history of inappropriate behavior while the child could see but this was about 2years ago.
The grandmother tried to convince me to put my child in the car with a drunk driver etc.

The violence was a party of 50 people fighting at a function held by the family. They were all beating each other up.(many years ago)

The only thing I can prove is the pattern continues with some of these peopleThey all have issues with violence and drinking.

My daughter felt she was going to die at a party they had because a drunk 21 year old held her under water in the pool to the point she was going to drown and no-one cared because they were all drinking.It was reported to me by my husband wife that every one was drunk except for her.

The problem of no-proof is I have no evidence of the drinking and marijuana use and probably wont be able to get that proof.Is testimony from an 11 year old saying Grandma go into the bedroom with Dad and come out a while later shuts the door quickly washes her hands in the sink for 10 minutes and the room smells like smokey skunkenough? Probably not.Yet they smoke cigarrettes in front of the child

#6 pg1067

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Posted 06 December 2012 - 12:10 PM

Most of my questions were intended to be rhetorical and were intended to illustrate how an objective party views the things you mentioned.

A court is far more likely to issue an order prohibiting alcohol, tobacco, and/or illegal drug use around a child than it is to terminate all visitation.

By the way, the best way to deal with the situation would be to consult with a local family law attorney about the relevant facts, the evidence you DO have, and strategy.

#7 Guest_FindLaw_Amir_*

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Posted 06 December 2012 - 12:29 PM

I agree with the previous poster, the way to deal with this matter is to consult with a local Family Law Lawyer.

#8 dw_idontknow

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Posted 07 December 2012 - 06:01 AM

I understand you I just want as much info and help as I can get.I think if I explain more you will keep writing and I may learn something more from it. The only evidence I have about some of this is testimony from the child and it seems that the court doesn't want to look at past events
.In mediaition I keep hearing they don't want to look back they want cuurent events. I am thinking what about patterns of behavior and patterns of reckless character.
Why would the mediator reccommend Fri night through Sun night for visiation when the patterns of recklessness and abuse( verbal toward the child and physical to the woman) or so extensive??I am so confused.
I did consult with a lawyer and she told me to negotiate and come to agree to let him have his visiation and add orders to protect the children.

She( the lawyer) told me I probably can't get an order prohibiting alchohol because people go to parties,dinners,etc where people may have a drink or two.She said maybe I could get an order that the children not be around people getting drunk.Considering the history I think that is too vaige.

She also said grandparents dont have rights and the motion to intervien(created by the grandmother) would be easy to object to and probably be dismissed.

I had a lawyer and she gave me the wrong advice.I had to go to the court myself and file an ex-parte instead of a motion for modification of visitation and she advised me to disregard a request for a phyc eval. Based on following that advice the case I opened in 2009 against the ex was closed and the lawyer never sent me the assesment from family relations.I am not able to work with this.




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